What's all the Hype about Self Esteem?

 It seems there is way too much talk about self esteem. Despite all the discussion and well intended efforts to bolster it, healthy self esteem remains mysterious and elusive for many.

The more I learn about  and work with people the more I believe a healthy self esteem is the foundation of a healthy happy life.

That being said I can recall, especially when I had school-age children, lots of odd ideas about what it was and how to instill it and how to avoid squashing it. Some of this information was good,  but some really missed the mark and did not foster real self esteem and may have actually done the opposite.

So what is self esteem? I like this definition I found on wikipedia:

Self-esteem, is a term in psychology to reflect a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgement of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent", "I am worthy") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame.^[1] 'The self-concept is what we thinkabout the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as inhow we feel about it'.^[2]

Self-esteem is a disposition that a person has which represents their judgements of their own worthiness.^[3] In the mid 1960s, Morris Rosenberg and social-learning theorists defined self-esteem in terms of a stable sense of personal worth or worthiness.^[4] Nathaniel Branden in 1969 defined self-esteem as "...the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness". According to Branden, self-esteem is the sum of self-confidence (a feeling of personal capacity) and self-respect(a feeling of personal worth). It exists as a consequence of the implicit judgement that every person has of their ability to face life's challenges,to understand and solve problems, and, their right to achieve happiness, and be given respect.^[5]

Self esteem then is your self regard or perception. High, good or healthy self esteem is what we are after.

This is not ego, arrogance or superficial. It is not based on deeds or accomplishments. It is not fragile, dependent on others or defensive.

It is a quiet confidence, acceptance and a comfortable feeling that is lasting.

I believe that is what we need as our foundation to be our best. This acceptance and appreciation of who we are , a clear understanding of ours as well as others intrinsic worth and value and a belief in our capability to manage our lives.

How does it feel to have that?

If you do not, how much of a difference might you experience in your life if you did?

For me it has been impactful although late coming.

An unstable tumultuous childhood did little to develop a sense of self esteem in my childhood, in fact quite the contrary.

I was in my late thirties with many self help books, classes, religious studies and philosophies under my belt before I came to realize my own self acceptance, worth and esteem.

A workshop by Debbie Ford provide the impetus to bring everything together for me. A moment of transformation where I saw things and saw myself differently... permanently and completely.

It is a life changer; not that one still does not have moments of doubt and absolute idiocy(many),  just that those moments do no damage and the sense that all is well remains intact. It is a knowing that you are more than what you do or how you appear. It changes how you look at yourself of course but also it is the truest route to acceptance of others and that is such a pleasure as well.

If you are the fortunate minority that have healthy self esteem enjoy it. It will support and propel you in all your pursuits.

However, if this has been a struggle for you, know that you may count yourself with the majority but need not remain that way.

With an open mind and some effort this can be improved and when it is everything in life improves with it.

What do you think are the top 3 things that make you valuable?

What if those things were gone?

Are you dependent on the good opinion or praise of others for a sense of pride or accomplishment?

Do you become angry or hurt when someone criticizes you?

What might it be worth to discover your worth and find real acceptance and healthy self esteem?

You are worth the effort... believe me.