Coloring Outside the Lines

I have lived a rather varied life; at different times very regimented and conservative at others very free and fearless.

I have moved through being immobilized by weakness,limited thinking and insecurity as well as emboldened by  abundant courage, solid confidence and strength.

There have been times I have diligently followed all the "rules", the guidelines for a good life, to be a good wife, Mom, employee, friend, human. At other times I flexed my freedom being true to myself, making my own rules, living true true to my own values.

I have always been quite solitary and have learned to trust my own counsel regardless of how many times it has led me astray.

I also later in life have learned to trust that whatever the outcome it is ultimately good for me and  I am capable of not only handling it but possibly even enjoying it or at the least growing as a result. Admittedly, I am a slow learner, a late bloomer in some respects. And yet I believe to step forward is the only way for me even when I do not know where it leads. I have no reason to be like this, I just am.

It comes down to coloring inside or outside of the lines in a sense: Following the rules and formulas, the advice of others sometimes at a cost to your own creativity or coloring outside the lines going your own way and making your own picture even if no one else get's it.

It is pretty clear that the latter can get a bit messy, maybe in the end you will not have much on paper to show for it; but will it be more satisfying?

The romantic and optimistic part of me that has always won out says yes. That it is worth it.

Nonetheless, it is a struggle. With freedom comes responsibility, with independence accountability, with solitude loneliness.

Not following some structure leads to difficult stations, it often does not work well.

There is no one else to blame when you invariable screw up, no one there to share the credit with when you shine.

Honestly , I do not know which life is better or even if there is a better.

To live within the lines may provide safety, security, comfort, stability, ease and if you are lucky a neat little picture to hang on the wall in the end.

Life outside the lines may be risky, adventurous, lonely, passionate, difficult and may end up to be a big mess or just might turn out to be a one of a kind masterpiece.

In truth, whichever way you choose can be pretty messy and frankly you never know what you will end up with.

Like anything else we have to choose our methods or maybe ideally blend the two techniques to come up with a real piece of art.