Seeking Clarity and Color

If you are a seeker like I am, and you know if you are, much of your time is spent searching for the

truth. Not just for what is true, right and real in the world but also what is true, right and real within and for us. We call it consciousness and clarity or even clarity of consciousness. Sometimes we may think there will be an overall moment of enlightenment and suddenly we will have all the answers we seek. We will have a clear hold on who we are, what we want and what the purpose and meaning of the world is all about.

Many of us think this moment will someday come to us if we pray earnestly, meditate deeply or follow some other prescribed path to wisdom, peace and knowledge.

I am beginning to believe though that while we may have moments of enlightenment and times of deep profound spiritual connection, life and all it's complexities remain an ever-changing mystery.

This may at first seem disheartening to a seeker but there is great comfort in this viewpoint.  It  allows room for the frustration we experience when we think we knew and later find out we had no clue. How many times have you looked back on parts of your life when you were on an earnest and honest path and found later that it did not lead where you thought it would? We can fall into a trap of thinking we were stupid, mislead, failed somehow or made a big mistake when the truth is that at the time we were on that path it was indeed the path we needed and was right for us where we were and who we were at that particular time. In fact, you can rest assured any pursuit we have followed earnestly and passionately is right for us if not as a destination than as a vehicle or tool that will take us to our ultimate destination.

That brings up yet another thing to consider; is there a destination at all?

Maybe the journey and all the paths are simply intended to open us, to teach us and to lead us to a deeper understanding and acceptance of the vastness of ourselves and of life itself.

The older I get and the more I learn the more open I am to the infinite myriad ways of living, of loving, of being. The less I seek one true answer or way, the less I see black and white or even gray but instead see unlimited shades of technicolor brilliance blended into a breathtaking hue.

I have come to realize that color can be more powerful than clarity. That answers are not always permanent, that what is true and right can change.

I have always been a seeker.

But what I seek has changed in some subtle ways or at least my understanding of it has.

This allows more freedom and less stress to move forward.

I move forward with hope and faith.

I hope I am on a good path and I have faith it is all a good path.

I hope I have learned as much in my life as I have unlearned along the way.

I hope that all that I have let go of so far is only opening space for more knowledge and experiences to fill.

I hope for the insight and wisdom to know when to shift directions and try a new way.

I hope to honor the needs of others and myself as I make my way. 

I hope that in learning to accept and love the multiple shades and shapes of my own being I have learned to accept and love those I encounter as well.

I have faith in myself to blindly navigate this heartbreaking and beautiful journey and have some fun along the way.

As we seek we become more open to the answers before us but at the same time we must seek to be unattached to that answer so that more will be able to come in their turn to replace or reshape what we believe. We must also understand that what is true for us may not and should not be true for others. In accepting and appreciating the differing truths of others we expand our knowledge and way of being as well. 

We must seek standing tall with hope and faith, arms outstretched, fingers spread wide to embrace all that is available to us but to let it flow freely through us as well, awash in all the beauty, pain and color that will make us all of who we are to be and lead us to wherever it is we are going.