What Defines You?

All of us have an idea of who we are, what we are capable of and our worth. But where do these notions come from? How accurate are they and how do they serve you?

I find these questions fascinating. Unfortunately, I do not think many people consider them. We so easily accept the labels and definitions.However, I believe the answers to these questions explain how your life is; career, relationships, habits, behavior and attitude as well as how you view yourself and your world.

Really everything boils down to: who you think you are, what you think that means about you and how you view yourself in relation to the world.

So what defines you? And where did those notions come from?

Some people have specific circumstances or people that have impacted what and who they perceive themselves to be. Some "thing" that happened to them, how they were raised or beliefs instilled in them have shaped their opinion of themselves, often including their very worth, value and capability. If you are fortunate your influences have been positive and so you have an overall sense of value and abilities. For far too many that is not the case and the negative influence greatly hinders them from fully being themselves and enjoying life. At worst this can lead to unhealthy and harmful behavior.

Truly, we are a total today of all we are and all that has happened to us. However, what that means and how it defines us varies greatly.

All too often we allow outer things to define us and limit us. We allow an imperfect person to tell us who we are and what we are capable of and we may believe it without question for years. We may have an event or trauma that shapes how we see ourselves and our value may be affected indefinitely.

When we do this we abdicate our power and undermine our happiness.

We can challenge these notions; where they came from and reevaluate for ourselves to regain that power. The  power to define ourselves and the happiness that comes from freely, fully being.

We can decide for ourselves who and what we are and struggle to break free of all the inexpert and imperfect input we have received.

We can also choose to break out of the roles and definitions we have made for ourselves that no longer fit.

Sure, not always easy but always possible.

We can choose what circumstances and occurrences mean to us,  about us and how we let it shape us. We do not have a choice in all that happens in our lives but we do have a choice in our reaction to it and how it impacts us overall. Even though it often seems we don't. Depending on the situation this may seem an impossible task. Sometimes we do not even want to challenge ourselves; stubborn to hold on to the definition we have of ourselves even if it is a painful limiting one.  But as you begin to ask the questions and reinterpret the answers you will find a new more powerful perspective.

So, what defines you?

A job, a role, a trauma, illness, your past, stress, situation,  a relationship, a long ago comment...

You are much more than that...

Find what works for you and what is true and serves you, challenge, reinterpret or discard the rest.

If it is difficult, seek a coach or therapist to help you discover fresh perspectives and regain your power to define yourself and be fully you.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

You are so much more than you have yet dared to imagine...

RULES OF BEING HUMAN

1. You will receive a body. You may like it, or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.


2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full time informal school called life. Each day in this school you have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think they are irrelevant and stupid.


3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately “works”.


4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go to the next lesson. Periodically, the lesson will be re-presented to see if you still remember it.


5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learnt. If no lesson is being presented, it is likely that you are no longer alive


6. “There” is no better than “here”. When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply acquire another “there”. That will again look better than “here”.


7. Others are simply mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.


8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you make of them is up to you; the choice is yours.


9. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you have to do is look, listen and trust.

10. You will forget all this. That fact is itself a lesson.

~ Ted Hughes, 'Poetry in the Making'

I ran across this recently and liked it so much I wanted to share it. I especially like people are like mirrors and of course the answers are within you .What stands out for you?

 

 

Cultivate your Strengths

Some people spend a lot of time,  money and energy training themselves to do something they really do not like or have little interest in.  Maybe it is the challenge or a skill they think they really need... could be.  Possibly they are convinced if they could just master this skill or develop that talent they do not have they would finally be successful. But most often we find our greatest success and deepest satisfaction cultivating and utilizing our natural talents and strengths.  Becoming outstanding at what we are good at and enjoy makes sense right? Unfortunately, we do not always recognize the gifts, strengths and talents we already possess and too often do not fully develop them and share them. Start with discovery ; know your interests, passions, strengths and talents then feed, nurture, develop and utilize them as often as possible. You will be well on your way to more easily find success and enjoy what you are doing . Certainly always learn, grow and obtain new skills but cultivate the best parts of you , that is why those interests and apptitudes are there ... for you to share!

Coaching provides a venue to rediscover your strengths and talents and develop ways to best utilize them.

Check out www.authentichappiness.com This site is by the leading authority on Positve Psychology Martin Seligman PhD. it provides  many self assesment exercises to assit you in discovering your strengths . I recommend you start with the signature character strength assessment.

Let me know what you find out!

Inside Out Living

So often we are told and believe that if we could just have that or go there or attain or achieve ...fill in the blank, we will be happy. How  many times have you done that and been disappointed or unfulfilled? Maybe you were happy but it was temporary. This is so common yet we tend to keep searching outside ourselves for something to bring us happiness . This is living from the outside in . Bringing something outside yourself to you to provide happiness . Don't get me wrong, many things provide happiness and joy outside ourselves. I suggest though you need to also live from the inside out. This requires we bring forth our joy, beauty, gifts and talents. Share the love and greatness within us with the world and in so doing we will discover the deepest most lasting happiness and satisfaction available . I  assure you, you will feel wonderful and the rest of us need what you have to offer .Trust that and be bold.

Three Wishes

I have not always liked the idea of wishes. Seems too much like fantasy for a goal oriented get things done kinda girl. I have come to realize though that wishes are a powerful tool to open our minds to our limitless possibilities and really be creative. As I have said before reality for most of us means limits and boundaries but wishes open the door to unlimited potentials and creativity. I often use the concept of three wishes with my clients and ask them to really contemplate the question: If you had three wishes for yourself and your life what would they be? Remember, no limits, no reality, and no fear. Just ask the genie, blow out the candles,wave the magic wand and explore. What would you do, be, or have? Where would you live? What activities would you pursue? Who would you spend your time with? What would you look like? It is endless,what matters most is the three things that come up for you. In the answers found from this question are the beginnings of knowing what you really want. They are the seeds of your ideal self and life .In the end you may find that with a little effort wishes really do come true.

So, what are your three wishes ?

 

More Questions Mean More Answers

Have you taken some time and a journal lately and just asked your self some good questions? I find it certainly helps to ask if you would actually like some answers. Journaling is a powerful tool for self-discovery. I have several next to my bed filled with goals, affirmations, reflections and of course questions and answers. When I look back through them after a time they provide redirection, insight and clarity as well as a good laugh. If you are not a journal keeper you can simply ponder and reflect and see what you come up with, if nothing else maybe start an interesting dinner conversation.

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

What has had the most impact on you in your life thus far?

What are you currently doing that is not working for you?

What are three things you would  like to do more of?

These are intentionally broad, just a staring off point. Try one that suits you or try them all .I’d love to hear your thoughts. These types of ideas are frequently used when working with a coach, to assist you in finding your own answers as well as what you would like to do with them.

New Year New You

What do you want for yourself ?

January is a month of hope and promise for many people around the world. Unfortunately, for too many the end of January is a time of great disappointment as well.  Certainly a new year is a wonderful time for reflection and goal setting, a practice many people follow. However, statistics indicate that 100 million Americans will make New Years resolutions; 80% will not keep them for the year and 35% will quit by January 31^st. Huge numbers to be sure, but why?  Often resolutions are not well thought out, overly ambitious and lack planning. As with any goal setting it is important to not only know what you want but why you want it .If your goal is to lose weight, for instance, think in detail about how you will look and feel and why that important to you. How will life be when you reach your goal? This process should help you determine if you are setting the right goal for the right reason as well as provide real motivation. It is how we feel when we reach our goal that we are really after. That is why sometimes when we go after a goal certain it will make us happy we are disappointed .It wasn’t the thing we sought, but how we thought it would effect us and make us feel emotionally and didn’t.

Once you are clear on what you want and why it is wise to make a plan and start taking small steps in that direction. Finally, commit to do it and even more importantly recommit as often as necessary to stay on track. Resolutions and goal setting is very challenging for most people, but with a clear understanding and careful planning you can have great success. The process can be very rewarding and is the best and only way to reach your dreams and live your best life.