Creatures of Comfort Craving Change

In my business we focus on change quite a bit. I find that people are at the same time creatures of habit and cravers of change. This creates a tension for us as we are split between what we know and are familiar with and our desire for variety, growth and improvement.

For most of us at any given time we can name several things about ourselves or our lives we would like to change. When it gets right down to it the truth is we may truly want the change but are not so excited about letting go of the present situation or taking the steps needed to get the outcome we desire. We want results; not the stuff in the middle right?

Often, we find it more  comfortable to stay in a less desireable current situation that may be very difficult and even damaging to us rather than risk the unknown.

Know anyone like that?

These patterns of behavior are really not so hard to break once you become willing to look at new possibilities for yourself. It becomes less stressful to let go when you clearly know what you are reaching for and believe in your ability to attain it.

You can diminish the fear of the unknown by embracing the opportunity for new and better   do we assume the unkown is scary anyway? How many good things in your life came as a surprise or were once unknown to you?

Consider today that if there is anything in any aspect of your life that is not satisfying or may be causing you stress and unhappiness that the alternative to it is far easier to attain and live with than the trouble you are currently dealing with from this situation. In fact, you have the power to transform this situation into exactly what you most want.

We all tend to think change is hard but we forget that what it is we want to change is already hard.

What would you like to make easier and better in your life?

 

A caterpillar must have the courage to let go of who and how it currently is

to  beautifully become what it was meant to be.

Memories and Lessons

September 11, 2011

What a historic day. Ten years in some ways it seems so long ago in many more it is hard to conceive ten years have really passed since that surreal morning of shocking horror.  What where you doing that fateful morning? What did you do today to remember?

I was reading stories all week. Updates on the families that lost loved ones and news about the memorials and services that were being planned. I read again about survivors and heros as well as people coming together and working long hours to have everything in place for todays milestone.

In reflecting on the events of that day ten years ago  I am struck by the shocking demonstration it provides of the capacity and scope of human nature and behavior. It was an incredible act of violence born out of extremism, hatred, fear and intolerence. But immediately within the moments of chaos and destruction were acts of phenominal heroism, courage, generosity compassion and love.  These actions continued long after the dust settled as Americans and people throughout the world reached out to help each other and pull together.

Human beings truly are incredible and limitless. We are capable of so much, much more than we really recognize most of the time. Many people discovered that about themselves and others that day and in the days that followed as we learned the details and saw and heard the stories. People lost their lives saveing others. Diverse groups of people banded together tirelessly to clean up, search and rescue, care for the wounded and comfort the grieving. We all felt fear, anger confusion and anxiety. But we also felt  community, resilence and inspiration, love and compassion.

The truth is that while humans are capable of all this wonderful, loving action must not  forget the capacity for hate, violence and destruction. That capacity is also not far under the surface. Intolerence, extreme thinking, prejudice, ignorance and selfishness fuels these acts of terror and hate as well as other violence and cruelty that plagues us daily all around the globe.

I think it is vital to raise our consciousness: to be aware of all we are capable of,  good and bad so that we may choose to be our highest best selves and challenge ourselves to be open minded, accepting, tolerant and compassionate.

The memories and lessons of September 11, 2001 are many and complex.

What are they for you?

What does the day most reperesent and teach you? How can you use that now?

 

New and Improved

Have you been in a bookstore lately and seen the vast array of self help books? Billions of dollars are spent every year as millions of people seek to be better, new and improved in some way. Many of these books have wise and useful information and are a great resource, I have certainly read more than my fair share from this section over the past 25 years. But I have come to realize on my journey and in working with others that they are just not quite enough most of the time. There are several reasons for this: You get all kinds of great information and really excited about the changes you will make ...for a short time. There is no follow up or method to really embrace and apply what you have learned. Often people read these books and put them down, rather than study them as they would taking a class or really trying to learn new concepts. Many times there are great ideas but little application to ones individual circumstance. Overall, of course they are written to apply to most everyone so naturally they cannot apply uniquely to each individual. However, I think the largest problem is the idea the reader may have that they have a need to become different or changed in the first place to find happiness, wholeness and success.

The secret is that the key to being happier, whole and more successful is to return to being more of who you already are. We forget ourselves sometimes. All kinds of things get in our way of just being us. Being authentic, utilizing our unique strengths and talents and pursuing our own ideas and passions.

To raise our awareness, educate ourselves, develop more positive thinking and habits is a life long valuable endeavor in personal growth we all would do well to pursue through reading and any other methods.

But to find real happiness, deep lasting  joy and satisfaction one does not need to become new and improved; rather to rediscover, reconnect and fully express that which they already are.

What Defines You?

All of us have an idea of who we are, what we are capable of and our worth. But where do these notions come from? How accurate are they and how do they serve you?

I find these questions fascinating. Unfortunately, I do not think many people consider them. We so easily accept the labels and definitions.However, I believe the answers to these questions explain how your life is; career, relationships, habits, behavior and attitude as well as how you view yourself and your world.

Really everything boils down to: who you think you are, what you think that means about you and how you view yourself in relation to the world.

So what defines you? And where did those notions come from?

Some people have specific circumstances or people that have impacted what and who they perceive themselves to be. Some "thing" that happened to them, how they were raised or beliefs instilled in them have shaped their opinion of themselves, often including their very worth, value and capability. If you are fortunate your influences have been positive and so you have an overall sense of value and abilities. For far too many that is not the case and the negative influence greatly hinders them from fully being themselves and enjoying life. At worst this can lead to unhealthy and harmful behavior.

Truly, we are a total today of all we are and all that has happened to us. However, what that means and how it defines us varies greatly.

All too often we allow outer things to define us and limit us. We allow an imperfect person to tell us who we are and what we are capable of and we may believe it without question for years. We may have an event or trauma that shapes how we see ourselves and our value may be affected indefinitely.

When we do this we abdicate our power and undermine our happiness.

We can challenge these notions; where they came from and reevaluate for ourselves to regain that power. The  power to define ourselves and the happiness that comes from freely, fully being.

We can decide for ourselves who and what we are and struggle to break free of all the inexpert and imperfect input we have received.

We can also choose to break out of the roles and definitions we have made for ourselves that no longer fit.

Sure, not always easy but always possible.

We can choose what circumstances and occurrences mean to us,  about us and how we let it shape us. We do not have a choice in all that happens in our lives but we do have a choice in our reaction to it and how it impacts us overall. Even though it often seems we don't. Depending on the situation this may seem an impossible task. Sometimes we do not even want to challenge ourselves; stubborn to hold on to the definition we have of ourselves even if it is a painful limiting one.  But as you begin to ask the questions and reinterpret the answers you will find a new more powerful perspective.

So, what defines you?

A job, a role, a trauma, illness, your past, stress, situation,  a relationship, a long ago comment...

You are much more than that...

Find what works for you and what is true and serves you, challenge, reinterpret or discard the rest.

If it is difficult, seek a coach or therapist to help you discover fresh perspectives and regain your power to define yourself and be fully you.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

You are so much more than you have yet dared to imagine...

RULES OF BEING HUMAN

1. You will receive a body. You may like it, or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.


2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full time informal school called life. Each day in this school you have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think they are irrelevant and stupid.


3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately “works”.


4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go to the next lesson. Periodically, the lesson will be re-presented to see if you still remember it.


5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learnt. If no lesson is being presented, it is likely that you are no longer alive


6. “There” is no better than “here”. When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply acquire another “there”. That will again look better than “here”.


7. Others are simply mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.


8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you make of them is up to you; the choice is yours.


9. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you have to do is look, listen and trust.

10. You will forget all this. That fact is itself a lesson.

~ Ted Hughes, 'Poetry in the Making'

I ran across this recently and liked it so much I wanted to share it. I especially like people are like mirrors and of course the answers are within you .What stands out for you?

 

 

Cultivate your Strengths

Some people spend a lot of time,  money and energy training themselves to do something they really do not like or have little interest in.  Maybe it is the challenge or a skill they think they really need... could be.  Possibly they are convinced if they could just master this skill or develop that talent they do not have they would finally be successful. But most often we find our greatest success and deepest satisfaction cultivating and utilizing our natural talents and strengths.  Becoming outstanding at what we are good at and enjoy makes sense right? Unfortunately, we do not always recognize the gifts, strengths and talents we already possess and too often do not fully develop them and share them. Start with discovery ; know your interests, passions, strengths and talents then feed, nurture, develop and utilize them as often as possible. You will be well on your way to more easily find success and enjoy what you are doing . Certainly always learn, grow and obtain new skills but cultivate the best parts of you , that is why those interests and apptitudes are there ... for you to share!

Coaching provides a venue to rediscover your strengths and talents and develop ways to best utilize them.

Check out www.authentichappiness.com This site is by the leading authority on Positve Psychology Martin Seligman PhD. it provides  many self assesment exercises to assit you in discovering your strengths . I recommend you start with the signature character strength assessment.

Let me know what you find out!

Inside Out Living

So often we are told and believe that if we could just have that or go there or attain or achieve ...fill in the blank, we will be happy. How  many times have you done that and been disappointed or unfulfilled? Maybe you were happy but it was temporary. This is so common yet we tend to keep searching outside ourselves for something to bring us happiness . This is living from the outside in . Bringing something outside yourself to you to provide happiness . Don't get me wrong, many things provide happiness and joy outside ourselves. I suggest though you need to also live from the inside out. This requires we bring forth our joy, beauty, gifts and talents. Share the love and greatness within us with the world and in so doing we will discover the deepest most lasting happiness and satisfaction available . I  assure you, you will feel wonderful and the rest of us need what you have to offer .Trust that and be bold.