You Are What You Seek

As long as I can remember I have been a seeker. Of knowledge, wisdom, truth and understanding. I have always wanted to know how things work, why we think and behave in certain ways, why life unfolds as it does. At the same time I searched fervently for the recipe to live well, be happy and successful while making a positive impact in the world. When I was young I was certain someone or something held the key and I thought that once I found that key it would unlock the world and open me to a life that was easier, happier and more fulfilling. Over the years I have devoted myself to religion, embraced and supported political and social ideals that seemed to make sense and disciplined myself to be a “good“ person. I have followed plenty of sets of rules to live by and even achieved some success and satisfaction. 

As time passed though I came to realize that the rules and prescriptions for life were in fact a limiter to actually living life. That so much of what we are told is really just an effort to control. Rules etched in stone to make things more predictable or safe. Constraints to tame self expression and passions that somehow frightened ourselves or others thus needing to be contained. Mandates handed down to keep the masses in line while largely ignored by the ones who wrote them. There is a certain comfort in following. The world is complex, life is difficult and down right scary at times, it makes sense that throughout history humans have been seekers looking outside themselves for direction on how to best navigate the course.

However, I have found as I get older that I need to know what is right less than what is possible. I do not recognize the existence or importance of one truth or a singular right path. I have left behind being a seeker of answers and have become a seeker of ideas instead. I am open and feel more free than I ever have leaving infinite room to find genuine self acceptance and appreciation for others and the world around me.

The downside of having a “right” way is that it necessitates a wrong way which then indicts us and others and ignites self rejection and separation.Throughout history this has been the tragic byproduct of looking outside ourselves arguably causing far more harm that good. After all, how can we hope to understand and embrace ourselves and the world more by adhering to a narrow path?

While I am still a seeker with an unquenchable thirst for new thoughts, ideas and experiences I have a strong ability to trust what I feel is right for me. I am grateful to know that what is right for me can and will change at any moment and that it is not likely or necessary that it is right for anyone else. 

I have learned the value of being quiet, to listen to what comes to me rather than to ask for what I want. I have tuned in to connect silently with nature and other people and felt the joy and wonder of those brief moments of oneness. I have discovered that the more connected I become to myself the more intricately tied I am to everyone and everything else.

It seems that in letting go of prescribed ways of living I have finally found a way of being that offers the peace, happiness and positive impact I have always been seeking.

I have few rules now and fewer answers to be sure. I will stumble and may come up short in many ways but I am ok with that because I realize now that what I truly seek is to be at peace with me enough to fully be all that I am and to truly accept and appreciate the world and others as they are that is the best impact I can hope to make.