Resolution Success 2012

So, you can imagine as a coach I love New Year; reflection, vision, goals, planning, it is an exciting time!

It certainly makes sense to use the mark of a passing year to reflect and the crisp start of the new year to plan what we most want next. In fact it is one of the oldest traditions dating back to Ancient Rome 4000 years ago. Marked by Janus the God of new beginnings with the ability to look both forward and back simultaneously and January's namesake.

Many people make great use of this time and set goals and make meaningful resolutions for the coming year. It seems we often discount resolutions commonly assuming most people do not stick with them and that is true; most don't . But what is also true is that people more successfully create meaningful change starting with a new years resolution than at a non-new year time. Studies show by June 46% of the resolute are still ontrack and that 19% are successful at the two year post resolution anniversary. Resoutions work if made properly and taken seriously. Let's face it; all positive change can work under the right parameters with the right amount of effort of course.

Tips For Successful Resolutions in 2012

Know What You Want: This is always the most crucial part. Know clearly and specifically what you want and the outcome of that change. How will it impact your life? How will you feel once the change is made? Is it truly what you want rather than what someone else or society thinks you should want? These questions need honest answers so you may be clear if the stated goal is what you are really after. This also will provide the motive of why you want the change hence the motivation to get things done.

Be Realistic and Specific: Set resolutions and goals that are reasonable and attainable. If you have never run before the Boston Marathon this year is not likely a reasonable goal. However, committing to training three times a week and signing up for a 5k followed by a 10k may be realistic. Also, how exactly will you accomplish the goal? The more details the better as you make your plan of attack. Will you join a gym or running club, hire a trainer? How many and which days will you work toward your goal? How will you make room for that in your current schedule? This of course corresponds to any goal; plan the exact  details of how you will achieve a reasonably achievable goal. Most goals fail due to a failure to plan.

Write it Down and Say it Loud: Harvard researchers have proven that those who write out their goals are far more successful in achieving them than people who do not. Writing down goals adds a dimension of reality to them as well as a record to reference and reflect upon daily or weekly. Stating your resolution in public and sharing it also increases your chances of success. Not only does it make it more real, you gain some sense of accountability from those who know your plans. Accountability is very powerful, most people benefit greatly checking in with others and having someone to help keep them "honest "and offer support. This is so evident with the monumental success of AA or weight watchers programs for instance , it is also a component of coaching that is very helpful to many clients. Share your plans and illicit support.

Believe It to See It: We will rarely if ever achieve anything that we do not believe is possible for us. It is imperative that you have confidence in your ability to do what you set out to do. You must believe you are capable and be able to hold a vision of yourself accomplishing that goal. The vision we have of ourselves will always dictate what we can and cannot achieve. For many of us working on this inner vision of self is the first step to really moving ahead. Are there ideas that hold you back? Do you limit yourself unfairly or tend to engage in negative thinking or self criticism? These behaviors commonly hold even the most together people back in some way. If they are present identify and address them now.

Be Resolute: Purposeful, unwavering and determined. Make a commitment to your resolution to do it; not try: do. Keep in mind that the first 30 days will typically be the hardest. It takes time, at least 30 days to develop new habits and behavior patterns remind yourself that as Goethe said " everything is hard before it is easy". This is when it is vital to commit to your goal but more importantly to recommit hourly if necessary to it and stick with the plan. If you do slip, which is perfectly normal, do not allow yourself to use a slip for an excuse to quit. One cookie does not ruin a healthy eating plan and one day that you miss the gym is no reason not to return. Be committed and prepared to recommit as often as necessary to achieve your goals and you will. One of the most important qualities for achievement of any type is the ability to work diligently, patiently and persistently toward what you want and you will get there before you know it.

Best wishes for a new year of creating a life you love in 2012!

Basics: The Four "R's"

I love this week of the year. A time to return to the basics after the often frenetic pace of the holidays combined with year end business activities. This brief week has a slower tempo; many take off work, clean up, rest. I find it a great  opportunity to rest and reflect on the triumphs and lessons of the previous year, restore my energy and renew my commitments and goals going into the new year.

The Four R's:

Rest: So taken for granted, admittedly by me as well often times. Rest is necessary to allow our mind, body and soul to heal and rejuvenate. Sleep is vital to our bodies but also our minds to remain sharp focused and creative. Studies show sleepless nights reduce memory and increase moodiness by up to 50%. Even short term sleep deprivation increases risk of many illnesses as well. Not only sleep, but allowing time to relax and slow down is restorative, we must be rested to truly be at our best.

Reflect: Taking time to honestly assess and evaluate where you are and where you are going is crucial to being effective, satisfied and genuinely happy. How did the last year go for you? What worked well, what not so much? Who do you want to be in the new year and what would you most like to do?  Make room to celebrate goals accomplished, even seemingly small ones, use those successes to build upon in the new year. Investigate which areas of your career and life were neglected or dissatisfying, what needs attention or needs to be shed moving forward?

Restore: Taken literally, re -store your personal supplies. Make it a priority to reconnect to yourself,  to feed yourself to be ready to take on the new year. We all get depleted as we  tend to give and give and give without taking a moment to restock the shelves so to speak. At some point we run out of supplies if we do not replenish. We all recharge in different ways, find what works for you. Meditation, yoga, running, prayer, a trip to Bali, or visiting with good friends.  Just reconnect to restore the deep connection you have with your higher self and higher power.

Renew: Once you have gone through this process it will become clear what direction you want to take in the new year. This is the time to renew your efforts and strengthen your resolve for  the commitments you have to yourself and your goals. You are in a great position now to set goals and design what you most want to create in the new year. If you are still unclear about what you want or what the best next step is for you illicit the help of a coach to accelerate your success. Now may be  a great time for a free consult to explore your options and guide you to make powerful action plans moving forward.

 

 

Update on Joe's Journey

So you may remember my client Joe. He is in a time of transition in his career and reached out to me midlife to figure out what he has been missing. He has not found the career fit or the life fulfillment he desires and in a sense has been going through the motions day to day for several years as many of us do. I have sent him quite a bit of materials and exercises to get him started. We have also met a few times both in person and over the phone. However, he has really not dug in yet to the task of discovery or creating a plan to move forward. I have asked him more than once about this and reconfirmed with him that working with me on these matters is in fact what he wants. He assures me it is.

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I believe him. I think that his desire for change is strong; he wants to discover himself, what his strengths and passions are to find direction and ultimately a career and life that is successful and fulfilling.

For most of us what Joe is doing is familiar ; wanting change yet resisting the onset and the work.

We all want change at one point or another. Whether to loose some weight, start an exercise regime, stick to a budget, renew a relationship or to change a career.

The truth is; we really want the change, but not neccessarily the process of changing. Just give us the results we will pass on the hard work right? Normal. Even if you are willing to do the work, as I believe Joe is, it is hard to get started and maybe a little scary too.

Leaving one way of being behind that you are used to to step into something unknow is scary. Asking yourself tough questions can be intimidating as well, do you really want to get to know yourself so well? Will you like yourself more or less after that process?

It has been a hectic time of year since Joe and I started this journey, I am confident we will keep moving along the path which is all that really matters: Move forward at whatever pace suits you. Because when you are really drawn to do something or what you are currently doing isn't working the  secret is that the change is always much easier than staying where you are.

What would you like to do or change and what holds you back?

 

Attitude of Gratitude

I love Thanksgiving! As you may already  know, I am a big holiday person. But Thanksgiving is such a cozy-yummy-get together and hang out time. And what a fantastic idea for a holiday! Do you suppose the early settlers that established the sharing of a meal with their new neighbors setting aside time to give thanks knew how powerful it was to do so?

I believe they did. Let's face it,  life was difficult in the new world. Resources were scarce ,the environment rough and raw, there were new and very different people and customs to adjust to. Yet, they apparently knew the value of focusing on the positives, embracing the challenges and having an attitude of gratitude. Doing so surely lifted their spirits, recharged them and connected them to each other. Today, practicing gratitude is scientifically proven to be a primary tool for happiness and coping. Feeling grateful crushes depression and complaining very effectively. While it is somewhat cliche to casually say "count your blessings "or "look for the silver lining", those comments can even be irritating when we are very stressed or faced with difficult, complex challenges. But the truth is: it works. We do have the power to choose our focus and attitude regardless of the external stressors in our lives. That is not to say it is easy. However, when things are stressful it is the best time to do so.

Recent events for me have included many more time commitments and family obligations in addition to an already full schedule. I have found in the moments that I can remain positive and thankful for the good parts of my days, particularly the wonderful people and resources I have in my life, my mood is brighter and I feel strong and capable. I am very fortunate to be in a position to help and care for others and make a positive impact. Conversely, in times I let exhaustion seep in and focus only on the endless to do list it is easy to quickly become negative, feel downtrodden and overwhelmed. Being aware of this helps tremendously as I realize I have the choice of my perspectives. Living from choice is always a positive and powerful place to be.

This week is a great time to reflect and be thankful for the positive people, things and experiences you have in your life and also to be grateful for the opportunities you have to care, share and make a positve impact. If you incorporate this attitude into you life moving forward you will soon find yourself happier and less stressed as a natural side effect. Consider adopting this attitude of gratitude beyond this week, you will be thankful you did.

Tips:

• Keep a gratitude journal


•  Routinely write thank you notes to people that have had a positive impact in your week


• Take a moment to notice the beauty in nature or music, see something with fresh eyes


• Appreciate yourself; for your strength and capability to meet the challenges you face


• Notice small niceties, like someones smile or holding a door for you


• Take stock of the big (employment, spouse) and small (a beautiful pair of shoes, a great meal),things in your life  at least weekly if not daily.


• In every stressed and difficult moment discipline yourself to find the diamonds of goodness in the darkness. How will this bring knowledge, good or just relief in the long run? Dig deep, it is there.


• Make time for the things you love then relish those moments and appreciate the experience all the more.


• Create a web page; get the family involved to share successes, post thank you notes and celebrate the goodness in life.

Please post some of your own ideas and results if you try some of mine

I will be grateful to hear from you!

Have a wonderful Holiday!

 

Joe's Journey

Recently I did a consult with a man I will call Joe. He has been mildly interested in coaching in the past due to feeling somewhat dissatisfied in his career and the general direction of his life. He contacted me with renewed interest after losing his job. This time of difficulty and transition has provided motivation to reevaluate and seize the opportunity to make some changes. Times like these tend to make us take a step back and look at where we are and where we want to be, ideal times for coaching by he way. During the consult it became apparent that like many of us he is unsure what he would really like to do. At this mid point in his life he is wondering what his calling and purpose is, what will provide meaning and fulfillment in addition to success. Joe thought he was on a path to stability but in retrospect knows it was a path he chose because he "should"  because of family influence and expectations and although he was committed, he struggled in the career to find success or fulfilment.

As we get started I have asked him to explore and prioritize his values and to assess his strengths and passions, these are things he has to put some thought into, he had no ready answers. Yet  these are the basis of finding what he most wants.

So, Joe has homework this week. This is a process, a journey that we have begun. I sense some reluctance to really dig in and I wonder if he will do it. We all  have times like these; we ask ourselves how did we get here? What is it all about? What do we really want or is this all there is? We stumble upon opportunities to change course to one that suits us better and to follow our dreams. Not all of us take these opportunities, in fact too few do. Somehow it seems easier to go for the quick fix or to stay the familiar albeit unrewarding course. But is it easier? And why do we think it would be so hard to live life the way we really want to anyway. Does that even make sense?

Let's see what Joe decides to do.

Tell me...what would you do?

 

 

Creatures of Comfort Craving Change

In my business we focus on change quite a bit. I find that people are at the same time creatures of habit and cravers of change. This creates a tension for us as we are split between what we know and are familiar with and our desire for variety, growth and improvement.

For most of us at any given time we can name several things about ourselves or our lives we would like to change. When it gets right down to it the truth is we may truly want the change but are not so excited about letting go of the present situation or taking the steps needed to get the outcome we desire. We want results; not the stuff in the middle right?

Often, we find it more  comfortable to stay in a less desireable current situation that may be very difficult and even damaging to us rather than risk the unknown.

Know anyone like that?

These patterns of behavior are really not so hard to break once you become willing to look at new possibilities for yourself. It becomes less stressful to let go when you clearly know what you are reaching for and believe in your ability to attain it.

You can diminish the fear of the unknown by embracing the opportunity for new and better   do we assume the unkown is scary anyway? How many good things in your life came as a surprise or were once unknown to you?

Consider today that if there is anything in any aspect of your life that is not satisfying or may be causing you stress and unhappiness that the alternative to it is far easier to attain and live with than the trouble you are currently dealing with from this situation. In fact, you have the power to transform this situation into exactly what you most want.

We all tend to think change is hard but we forget that what it is we want to change is already hard.

What would you like to make easier and better in your life?

 

A caterpillar must have the courage to let go of who and how it currently is

to  beautifully become what it was meant to be.

Memories and Lessons

September 11, 2011

What a historic day. Ten years in some ways it seems so long ago in many more it is hard to conceive ten years have really passed since that surreal morning of shocking horror.  What where you doing that fateful morning? What did you do today to remember?

I was reading stories all week. Updates on the families that lost loved ones and news about the memorials and services that were being planned. I read again about survivors and heros as well as people coming together and working long hours to have everything in place for todays milestone.

In reflecting on the events of that day ten years ago  I am struck by the shocking demonstration it provides of the capacity and scope of human nature and behavior. It was an incredible act of violence born out of extremism, hatred, fear and intolerence. But immediately within the moments of chaos and destruction were acts of phenominal heroism, courage, generosity compassion and love.  These actions continued long after the dust settled as Americans and people throughout the world reached out to help each other and pull together.

Human beings truly are incredible and limitless. We are capable of so much, much more than we really recognize most of the time. Many people discovered that about themselves and others that day and in the days that followed as we learned the details and saw and heard the stories. People lost their lives saveing others. Diverse groups of people banded together tirelessly to clean up, search and rescue, care for the wounded and comfort the grieving. We all felt fear, anger confusion and anxiety. But we also felt  community, resilence and inspiration, love and compassion.

The truth is that while humans are capable of all this wonderful, loving action must not  forget the capacity for hate, violence and destruction. That capacity is also not far under the surface. Intolerence, extreme thinking, prejudice, ignorance and selfishness fuels these acts of terror and hate as well as other violence and cruelty that plagues us daily all around the globe.

I think it is vital to raise our consciousness: to be aware of all we are capable of,  good and bad so that we may choose to be our highest best selves and challenge ourselves to be open minded, accepting, tolerant and compassionate.

The memories and lessons of September 11, 2001 are many and complex.

What are they for you?

What does the day most reperesent and teach you? How can you use that now?