Coloring Outside the Lines

I have lived a rather varied life; at different times very regimented and conservative at others very free and fearless.

I have moved through being immobilized by weakness,limited thinking and insecurity as well as emboldened by  abundant courage, solid confidence and strength.

There have been times I have diligently followed all the "rules", the guidelines for a good life, to be a good wife, Mom, employee, friend, human. At other times I flexed my freedom being true to myself, making my own rules, living true true to my own values.

I have always been quite solitary and have learned to trust my own counsel regardless of how many times it has led me astray.

I also later in life have learned to trust that whatever the outcome it is ultimately good for me and  I am capable of not only handling it but possibly even enjoying it or at the least growing as a result. Admittedly, I am a slow learner, a late bloomer in some respects. And yet I believe to step forward is the only way for me even when I do not know where it leads. I have no reason to be like this, I just am.

It comes down to coloring inside or outside of the lines in a sense: Following the rules and formulas, the advice of others sometimes at a cost to your own creativity or coloring outside the lines going your own way and making your own picture even if no one else get's it.

It is pretty clear that the latter can get a bit messy, maybe in the end you will not have much on paper to show for it; but will it be more satisfying?

The romantic and optimistic part of me that has always won out says yes. That it is worth it.

Nonetheless, it is a struggle. With freedom comes responsibility, with independence accountability, with solitude loneliness.

Not following some structure leads to difficult stations, it often does not work well.

There is no one else to blame when you invariable screw up, no one there to share the credit with when you shine.

Honestly , I do not know which life is better or even if there is a better.

To live within the lines may provide safety, security, comfort, stability, ease and if you are lucky a neat little picture to hang on the wall in the end.

Life outside the lines may be risky, adventurous, lonely, passionate, difficult and may end up to be a big mess or just might turn out to be a one of a kind masterpiece.

In truth, whichever way you choose can be pretty messy and frankly you never know what you will end up with.

Like anything else we have to choose our methods or maybe ideally blend the two techniques to come up with a real piece of art.

 

 

 

 

My Manifesto

I was writing the other night on the subject of personal beliefs and how they influence and impact our daily lives yet we rarely truly consider what they are.  I stopped and started writing a list of my own beliefs and have made a manifesto to contain them. I hope that I embody these beliefs, I hope to be remembered for them and I hope I will alter them when and if they need to be updated.

When is the last time you considered the beliefs that shape your values and views of the world?

If it has been a while rest assured you are in good company. I can safely assume that if you ask most people they do not have a ready list of their beliefs and likely not a written collection. Yet, I think it is a revealing and valuable exercise to invest in.

Most of us have many underlying beliefs about ourselves and the world that we simply take for granted. They have always been there and we do not often think about if they are true or valid or where we even got the ideas in the first place.

Sometimes these beliefs are steadfast comforting guides, keys to our behavior that help us to navigate the world successfully.

But just as often these beliefs can undermine and limit us or our experience of life and cause us grief, guilt and suffering.

I encourage you to examine your own beliefs both about who you are how you live and what you think about others and the world. While you are doing this determine if these are true for you and if they serve to make you more or less happy and successful.

Give yourself the freedom and power to challenge yourself and fully embrace what you believe to be true or let go of what you do not to make your own Manifesto.

I would love to see it!

I have included mine below

My Manifesto

 

• I believe that a core of real self acceptance and genuine confidence is the foundation of happiness and success.


• I believe the rampant lack of this is the root of most suffering, sadness, violence, dissatisfaction and mediocrity.


• I believe and embrace that all of life’s experiences are a valid opportunity to experience fully what is available to me. I also accept that it is perfectly ok that I am not always happy about that experience at the time   it occurs but know I will eventually grow and become more because of it whether I like it or not.


• I believe life is good but not only good things happen


• I believe things that are difficult and horrific are part of life and not necessarily a result of bad karma or a failing on someone’s part.


• I believe that whatever happens in life is an opportunity to be more. That it often matters little the result or whether we win but how we showed up in the game


• I believe bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people sometimes.


• I believe that we all get to define what is good or bad in our lives for ourselves


• I believe everyone is created equal in worth and value yet completely unique and individual


• I believe that worth and value are intrinsic


• I believe humans are special in the world


• I believe and understand that we are not all given the same playing field or equipment to play with: that is life, it is not fair but it is good.


• I believe we all have the right to choose what we believe as well as how we want to think, behave and live and we should cherish and protect that freedom for all


• I believe that with freedom comes responsibility first to ourselves and then to everyone else


• I believe I am whole, complete and capable even when it appears or feels otherwise


• I believe that life is a treasure with more beauty and wonder than we can ever experience in just one lifetime but that we should give it a good shot


• I believe more in using things up then in saving them


• I believe less rules are better, at least for me


• I believe love is not always enough


• I think we typically make things much harder than we need to


• I believe we miss a whole lot of pleasure because we are so concerned with not feeling pain


• I believe people, the world and especially God are much bigger and more complex than we can ever hope to fully understand or define and I like it that way.


• I believe the world and everything in it is far to miraculous not to believe in a creative God. Brilliant!


• I believe we are a complex beautiful mixture of everything and can choose to express anything at anytime with mastery. Not all good, all bad, all nice, all evil etc. All things all the time even if it isn’t showing at the moment or we have more or less of it, it is in there.


• I believe that people have the power to change themselves and their lives dramatically at any time if they chose


• I believe life is about becoming more of yourself rather than becoming more of something or someone else


• I believe there are many versions of right and no one has to be wrong for me to be right, but they usually are:)


• I believe we take too many things too seriously and focus too little on what truly matters to us


• I believe I am here to make a difference and have an impact


• I believe I already have


• I believe there is much more of me and you to share and I hope we will have the courage, confidence and time to share it fully.

 

 

 

Look Up

 



Day to day living is such a hinderance to really living. We see and do the same stuff so often we do not even notice the treasures and beauty all around us.I think most the time most people go through their days in a routine and because of that routine sameness fail to see the beauty  that surrounds them.

I know this is true for myself as well and I am vigilant in fighting it. I make an effort to notice things and expose myself as much as possible to new people, ideas and experiences. I have done this so long that it is my way of life and I truly enjoy it. Weekly, daily if not hourly on a good day I learn something new, someone surprises me or I see something ordinary that through fresh eyes becomes extraordinary.

 

I have a lousy memory much of the time and limited childhood memories. But I can so clearly recall a moment like this when I was very young. I am not sure how old but under 9 is certain. I was looking at our sugar bowl, something I had seen and used everyday and suddenly I noticed it was beautiful. It was silver, unpolished, heavy, tarnished to a bronze-ish color with simple turns at the handles on either side. I just remember suddenly being struck that it was simple yet beautiful at the same time realizing I had never seen it that way before. It was like I had never seen it.

Each moment we are flooded with opportunities to experience life and the world around us in a myriad of ways. It is our habit to see what we expect to see and do what we expect to do and so the days fly by with little difference. Our brains must filter out somethings to focus on others, we would be on constant overload and unable to function if not. However, what do we miss as a result of this?

Both people and things have beauty like the sugar bowl that is always present but we do not see until we look up with fresh eyes.

It is profound, startling and exciting when we experience it. It makes life more interesting, rich and full when we choose to look up and see not only something new but that which has been there all along.

How can you look up and see more of what is around you today?

What in your life can you turn a fresh eye to?

What opportunities are around you that you may have not noticed?

This week what is one way you can add a new experience and be open to what it holds for you?

Are You Underliving?

UNDERLIVING 

VS

 LIVING IT UP

 

Underliving is defined as having an overall lack of passion or purpose in life.  Just getting by, surviving.

It is characterized by boredom and restlessness, being stuck in a rut and a feeling of dissatisfaction.

 

Living it Up is defined as having an overall sense of freedom, fulfillment and passion. Life has meaning and value. It is full of moments of joy and gratitude fun and creativity. It can be described as thriving, achieving and being authentic.

 

Which definition sounds most like your life?

Which one would you chose?

 

 

LifeScape Coaching helps people choose how they want to live their lives, write their own definition of living it up and actually live it

Call now for a free consult 630.664.9740



Sometimes you barely have to change anything to change everything

Life's Smorgasbord

Life is so vast and full.

For me it creates an excitement and desire to experience so much.

However, there is so much to be, do and have it can be overwhelming. So many options... so little time.

It really astounds me though how many people say they are bored, or live on auto pilot rarely experiencing anything new.

In fact, when we greet each other we often ask just that," What's new?"

Invariably we are met with the "nothing, same old thing"  response and typically we agree.

Often this is an automatic reply like " fine" is when asked how we are. But many times I think it is true.

I have made the observation that people tend to get into habits, routines or ruts. We are of course creatures of habits so it is very understandable.

We are met with a smorgasbord of life and not always knowing what to choose stick with what is already on our plate. Why not? We know we like it and even if we don't really like it we know how it tastes so we keep going back for more of the same thing.We see all the fancy exotic dishes and decide we have no room for it, may not like it or it may scare us to give up something familiar to make space for something new.

This thinking leads to settling.

People settle in all kinds of ways in their lives. Their career, relationships, vacations, hobbies even their mental and physical health. We also have many excuses and beliefs that keep us where we are.

The reasons for this are many and complex. But when it gets right down to it we do not have to settle even though we may feel we have no choice. As soon as you decide to do something different you can in fact choose it and do it.

Yes, I know it's not that simple right? It is hard to leave something or someone behind , scary to try something new, lonely to venture out of our comfort zone.

Okay , I agree it can be hard. I also remind you everything you have ever done that was worthwhile was for a time difficult. You may not remember learning to walk, ride a bike, earn a degree, go on a first date, learn to swim, lose a loved one.

And yet once we do it we discover it was not that hard after all or that the benefits outweigh the effort and discomfort.

One of the main motivators for me as a coach is helping people find a way to make room on their plate, to try something they have always wanted, to chose how they want to live and to have the confidence and courage to pursue it.

It has always seemed a shame to me to settle. To tolerate less, to live under our potential, to miss out on the wonders that are around us everyday.

While it is not possible to have all that we want and experience all the world has to offer in one lifetime I think it is possible to  have a pretty good sample platter.



Where do you settle for less than you want?

What do you tell yourself is the reason you put up with this?

How can you make room on your plate for a little bit more?

How can you harness more courage to live more fully the life that you want?

 

 

 

 

Someday...

 

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Some Day...

Ever notice how many things you put off in your life?

It seems everyone I speak with has a list of ideas, goals or dreams they are waiting to get around to.
Mine includes learning to sail, moving into the city, traveling to Italy as well as smaller things like new bedroom furniture and taking a Tai Chi class with my daughter.

So what holds you back?
Of course there are the biggies; time and money.
I can point to that reason myself.
Some of the others I hear are I have to wait till the kids are older, I cant take time off work, I don't know how, I am waiting to get my shit together.
The last one is my favorite. what does that mean exactly?
And how will you know when it occurs?

The truth is we never have enough time or money and certainly never have all our shit together.
Because of this we also never do all the things we want. Sometimes that leads to dissatisfaction or even regret and it always leads to living less fully than we truly want to.
The things in our hearts shift to the category of a vague someday, nearly forgotten.

I wonder if we are really held back by our reasons or if they just allow us to hide in the comfort of familiarity not pushing our comfort zones and ignoring the small voice inside us that begs for adventure and experiences?

In all honestly I had the perfect opportunity to travel to Italy 6 years ago, I told myself I could not because my daughters needed me to be here. It seemed valid at the time but in reality I could have easily been away 10 days and they would of enjoyed the break from me I am sure.

One of the values I have that lead me to be a coach is a passion for living life fully.
There is so much for us to experience and enjoy. It deeply troubles me when people do not live fully.
It seems an insult to all we have been blessed with to not experience the beauty and richness of all the world has to offer or at least take a good shot at it.

I think the main reasons we do not is a lack of awareness and fear.

First, we need to become aware of what interests us and what we are passionate about.
It is surprising how many people do not really know what those things are.
Secondly, we must have the courage to push through our fear and limiting thinking to go outside our comfort zone.
Lastly, we must do what it is we most want and if we do not immediately have the resources available create a plan to make it happen rather than just relegate our ideas, goals and dreams to the unending Limbo of someday.

I ascribe to the thinking that if something calls to your soul you are meant to do it.
I aspire to push through my comfort zones to live it.

“There is nothing capricious in nature and the implanting of a desire indicates that its gratification is in the constitution of the creature that feel it.”Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Neale Donald Walsch

Fireflies and Flying High

I remember when my kids were little catching lightening bugs and trapping them in a jar. I had done it once or twice as a kid and it seemed like such a simple summer evening activity.



They are fascinating little creatures; so fun to hunt and catch then watch as they glow in the jar. We would poke holes in the top of an old jelly jar, add grass and a few drops of water, I imagine you may have done the same.

Unfortunately, we would occasionally forget to set them free or maybe we wanted to keep them as pets but invariably it was not very long till their lights stop shining and they were lying at the bottom of the jar. They could not thrive trapped.

It occurred to me the other day how we each have our own light to shine and how we sometimes find ourselves stuck in that jar not thriving.

There is something unique that is within each of us to share . Those that discover it and are bold enough to pursue it and share it live extraordinary lives of more fulfillment, satisfaction and success. Those that don't tend to instinctively know something is missing, are bored and restless or disengaged and depressed. There are many that know they are called to do more but chose to hold back, allowing themselves to be trapped like the firefly in the jar destined to grow dimmer and never really fly.

Many times we are unaware we are doing this.  I think we fail to make the connection of feeling restless and bored to not fully being or expressing ourselves. Frankly, it is so common to hold back and play it safe it is almost expected and even encouraged.

It seems so simple that if there is something for us to be or do that we naturally would, but so often we don't. We hold back in fear.

Fear we will be rejected or fail, that our dreams won't come true so we do not want to try.

We trick ourselves into believing that if we do not try it will not hurt to miss the mark, we will not look stupid, we won't be laughed at.

The crazy thing is that in avoiding this possible failure we keep ourselves from having any chance at real greatness and the joy of being fully and fabulously ourselves. We unwittingly sentence ourselves to ho hum lives and the dissatisfaction of wondering "what if" just to insure we protect ourselves from a possible painful moment.

Believe me, I know how difficult this is to overcome. To take the time to search out what it is that you have that makes you shine the brightest. To boldly step out to share what you have, to defy all the naysayers that do not understand. I also know that great things and good times are never easy. And I know that the alternative most think is the safe choice is no picnic either. In fact, I contend in the long run it is far harder to live as less than you could be than to risk it all to shine and fly free.

The truth is it comes down to choice. What do you believe?

Are you willing to fly high and shine bright or will you trap yourself in the jelly jar?