Reveal the Real You ...Please

Not everyone likes introspection and self discovery. Even so, most of us know there are aspects of ourselves we keep under wraps sometimes even from ourselves.

For some not knowing may seem safe; "what if I do not like what I discover?" they silently ask.

My answer to that is a confident no way!

 When you peel away the onion skin layers that may veil your true self from others as well as yourself you will find what you have sought all of your life: You.

You suit you. You were made for you. And you may just find others will fall in love with this more you version of you all over again.

All the trying to be different, rejection of certain aspects, the busyness and noise that has hidden you away has served only to dull who you are. That is the version we do not like of ourselves. It is false, it is partial, it is fragile. It annoys us and continues to fall short in our own eyes because deep down we are dying to get out. To be free and fully ourselves.

Many of us are somehow so afraid of rejection from others that we ultimately reject large parts of ourselves; give up our best ideas, dreams and passions rather than be shot down or  fail.

Certainly, we are all at times cruely critised or judged by others.

The truth is those people that may not really like you may not really like themselves all that much either. So why listen to them?

I think part of it is a result of the good intentions of parents and others as we are raised; You are a good girl for this, bad boy for that. And the not so well intentioned input of insecure and immature siblings and peers teasing or even bullying. And it does not stop there;  media messages, lovers, coworkers everyone is happy to critise.

It seems to grow up we must learn to deny or hide parts of ourselves to attempt to have others love and accept us then as adults we must learn to recover and reveal those parts to ever attempt to fully love and accept ourselves.

It is only then; beautifully and fully you, that you will truly attain the love and acceptance you have always sought. This is the  foundation of lasting happiness.

Reveal you ...please! You and I and everyone else will thank you for it. It is the unique and complete version of you that is needed here. Trust that.

" To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

" At best you can only ever be a second rate version of someone else, you will always be the best YOU"

 unknown

 

 

7 Top Tips for More Passion and Happiness Now

Surveys indicate that 80% of Americans do not feel passionate about their lives. That is a huge number!

Thoreau wrote in the mid 1800's " Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them". Sad but true even after all these years.

It is easy to get stuck in a rut, to lose sight of our dreams and the things we love most. In fact, it is all too common. We are busy, we have many obligations, we are all grown up and serious now. But, being in that 80% gets boring, unfulfilling and very ho hum. It leaves us feeling stressed and anxious as well because we are not being true to ourselves and following our heart and soul.

I don't know about you but I wanna be in the 20%!

The fortunate 20% of Americans that do feel passionate about their lives and are living vibrant, full and fun lives.

Top 7 Tips to be More Happy and Passionate

1. Know yourself  Always the first and most crucial step. Get in touch with what you want, what is important to you and what you enjoy. Spend time unplugged from daily distraction to reflect and listen. What do you do best? What do you never tire of? When do you feel in the zone? What do others admire most in you? Use questions and also reflect on the best times of your life to shape a picture of what you are passionate about. Recall the things you most loved in your youth; what makes you think you won't still love that now or maybe something similar.


2. Have the courage to follow your heart We all deal with fear at some point. Certainly, it can be scary to fully put yourself out there to follow your passions; to really live as you want and pursue what is most important to you." What if I do and fail?" we think. "What if I do and succeed?" needs to be the answer because that is the truth. Very often it is fear of what others will think that holds us back. We do not want to look stupid or foolish or fall down in front of our peers. Fear is normal. Cultivate courage to act in spite of any fear.


3. Lose the excuses Many excuses will fall away once you manage fear. But the biggie " I do not have the time" can be a stubborn one. Access for yourself if that is really true. Take stock of your days and weeks; where are are you spending empty moments or hours for that matter? What are you currently doing that you could stop or delegate? Find time for what matters most: You. Rid yourself of reasons not to have a great life. 


4. Take the gloves off  Stop holding back. At times we  protect ourselves too much, not wanting to get hurt and  preventing the good stuff of life in the process. To be passionate we must get a little dirty, be more sensual and feel life fully; the great stuff and the not so great. Go ahead; feel, experience, express, live.


5. Be happier? Do more happy things  It is a simple premise;  if you want to have a happier life do more of what makes you happy. Simple is so often overlooked. When life gets hectic and our schedule get's tight what is the first thing to go? The good stuff, the fun stuff, the truly important stuff that makes our lives enjoyable and recharges us to be our best. Just when we need it the most. Do more of what makes you feel good you need it and deserve it.


6. Shift your focus Become aware of what you think about and talk about on regular basis. It  seems it is human nature to complain, dwell on the problems and see the clouds on the most beautiful of days. This type of behavior trains our brains to look for more of the same; more negative. Choose to focus instead on the good stuff; what you want to create rather on what you will never have. Avoid pessimists and complainers and surround yourself with positive energy like-minded people.


7. Make YOU a priority Start living like the movie star you truly are. Do not settle for a supporting role in your own life movie. Write your own happy ending and enjoy all the excitment and challenges in between. This is your life. Popular belief says you just get one. Isn't it time you lived it the way you want to? Pursue what is most important to you, find time to enjoy everyday. Really believe in something, take a stand. Laugh out loud, cry if you want....feel and experience deeply and completely.

 

 

It Is Not In The Why But In The How

It seems that when something happens,  particularly something we perceive as difficult or bad, much energy is spent on the why: why did this happen? Why do I deserve this? What are the reasons and motivations exactly that lead to this? Why did I do that?

One of the first things we do is attempt to  make sense of a thing or situation by struggling to understand why it has occurred. This is a natural and reasonable response. The insight can be very useful in fact. We can learn and grow with this knowledge. However, certain situations have no easy answers or discernible reasons. Frequently we can get  stuck in this mode of asking why to our own detriment. The why presses upon us sometimes bringing guilt or blame and almost always a sense of injustice, inequality or persecution. If we decide something is unfair and undeserved it does not make it go away but can make us not handle it effectively since "we should not have to".

Do you know people that are still ruminating the why's of their childhood or past relationships? Why they were passed over for a promotion? Why they fell so ill? It can become endless. In my experience spending more than a few moments on the why is just not very useful.

I have found myself in this loop of thinking before and quickly catch myself because I can feel this thinking oppressing and depressing me. Personally, I have always been far better off focusing on how to solve something or move forward in spite of it and so my why naturally turns quickly into how to overcome or adjust and that works pretty well for me.

I believe the more important answers to what happens in our lives come from asking how not why. How will I solve this. handle it, live with it ? How will I respond as my best self? How can I grow and learn from this experience? How can I serve or guide others as a result of this?

Ultimately, how does this make me more of who I am and who I am to be?

That is the underlying question in both the most wonderful and most difficult of times: How can this make me more of who I am to be?

When you can embrace that way of thinking whatever circumstance is an opportunity and can even be welcomed if not for the thing itself but for what you will gain that you would not have otherwise.

I admit, it is not easy to think this way. I have to frequently remind myself and redirect my thinking.

Sometimes I do not want to go through it, even if I will grow and evolve. But, there is usually not a choice in the thing,  just in our response to it so that is where our focus must be.

This really struck me as I  have been reading Viktor Frankl Mans Search For Meaning the past week. This recounts his experience and observations as a concentration camp prisoner during the Holocaust.  As a psychiatrist and a survivor of the horror of many years in camp with tremendous loss of freedom, identity, beloved wife and family he contends that the main motivational force of mans life is his search for meaning. He identifies the last human freedom as the ability we have to choose our attitude and response regardless of external circumstance and it is in this response that we are defined and whole. He states that there is unique opportunity in how we bear our burdens. Further, that it is not what we expect from life but rather what life expects from us that matters.

It is a beautiful book and I highly recommend it.

It made my how bigger. Not just how do I solve, overcome and share my lessons but how does this make me more? How can I be the best me in bearing it?  Wow! This leaves a huge amount of room for improvement. I feel more calm and comfortable facing the difficulties with these questions, feeling almost lucky for the chance to step up to the plate with faith that there is unique opportunity in all.

Obviously, people under those drastic horrific circumstances of the Nazi Camps that were somehow able to find meaning and press on make my troubles and challenges rather insignificant. But also serve as a model that no matter what the challenge or circumstance there is meaning and growth to be found if we can focus on the how.

• How will this experience stretch me? Add to my character and build my strengths?


• How will this experience shift my perspectives and expand my thinking?


• How can this provide an opportunity to fully utilize the creativity, strength and wisdom I do not always get to use?


• How can I model for my children or peers positive behavior and attitudes?


• How will this make me more of who I am and who I am to be?

 

 

Is The Credit and Blame Game Holding You Back?

Who get's the credit and or blame in your life?

It seems when things go wrong as they invariably do, many of us, at least privately are quick to blame and even belittle ourselves for our fault. Many people publicly, loudly pronounce themselves stupid or inept in some way. Often times, we punish ourselves dramatically and frequently  for  mistakes or short comings that happened years before. We are eager and willing to assemble a long list of exactly how and where we missed the mark.

By and large we have little trouble accepting the blame when things go wrong, and we do not quickly forget.

Conversely, many people have a very hard time accepting the credit when things go well, even when they have a momentous success. We diminish our part, write it off to blind luck or thank God or the universe for causing something to happen. Frequently, no matter the victory we will find pieces within it to criticize or point out our failure to have done more or better. At the least, many of us will humbly accept some credit and  then forget all about it choosing to focus instead on the next challenge without really recognizing or celebrating the success.

There are numerous answers for this I am sure. Upbringing, culture, hard wiring, habits of thought and behavior. But whatever the reasons this type of behavior and thinking does us harm and limits us from being our best.

Our reference point of credit and blame is a large part of how we explain our world and importantly our possibilities in it.

Do we believe we have the power to achieve great things by our own volition or is it dependent on luck or divinity? Are we able to recognize and thus build upon our triumphs and draw upon our strengths? Do we criticize our real or imagined failings and so keep ourselves from attempting or even believing in our best? Are we ready to go over the long list of times things did not work, of mistakes we have made as evidence not to trust ourselves and prove our certain failure before even trying?

For us to be fully our best selves and be successful we must manage these types of thinking habits.

1. Take stock of your achievements and things you have overcome, write them down as well as the specific talents skills or problem solving you were able to use successfully.


2. Pay attention  to your habits of credit and blame: Are they fair? Shift your perspectives to include you as the central role in your life that you play. Be conscious of  being overly focused on the negative and diminishing your own achievements and abilities. Notice if you allow past failings to predict future ones.


3. When embarking upon an new challenge prepare yourself by drawing upon past evidence of your capability and victories as proof you are ready to succeed once more.


4. Acknowledge if you wish divine blessing but realize you made the choice to use those gifts well and be proud of your part.


5.  Choose to recognize that all that has happened thus far in your life is an important part of your success story.

The truth is the things that did not work or even failed miserably  often teach the best lessons.Pointing out areas of growth or to signal the need for a new direction.

The victories you experience both large and small highlight your strengths to build upon, define your talents and passions and provide evidence of you amazing abilities.  These successes stock the shelves and build the skills and confidence you need to face more challenges and try new things.

Developing  a healthy balanced approach to the credit and blame game will empower you to do your best. Be responsible for all you make happen in your life and know it is ultimately for your growth and good and leads to your success.

Eliminate Stress from the Core

What stresses you out? What keeps you up at night, gnaws at you, makes your head throb and your muscles tight?

We all have stress and anxiety at times, unfortunately for some of us it is a lot of the time.

Much has been written, including a bit by me, regarding managing and reducing stress, ideas that are proven, solid and helpful as well. Keep in mind some stress and anxiety is useful and should be used as a natural warning sign something is amiss and should be paid attention to. Now a days though everywhere you turn people lament that they are "stressed out" and need relief.

But what if there were a way to eliminate stress from the core? Make an underlying powerful shift in perspectives that would head off any uncomfortable reactions in the first place...would you be interested?

The truth is events, circumstance and situations are not stressful in themselves. They do not have  meaning other than that which we assign them. This is the key reason; our individual interpretation that explains the disparity of how people react to and handle "stress". So the trick is to get to the core. The core thought and emotion that fuels your reaction that does not serve you. Accept the fact that it is not the thing but how you think about it and now you have the power to change how you think about it, manage and react.

With some effort you can change the way you look at things, greatly reducing what you even consider to be stressful.

You can better recognize what is under your control and let go of what is not.

You can understand the real importance and significance of things and not sweat the small stuff.

You can store up your resources and recharge yourself regularly. Be confident in you ability to handle any and all challenges that come your way. You will then be well prepared when called upon.

You can chose when things are difficult to focus on the strengths, blessings and lessons as well as the opportunity to dig in, access your best self and grow as we invariable do in challenging times. Something good always comes, expect it.

Shifting how you think about and approach the "stress" in your life has the power to transform it and you and with enough practice eliminate stress from the core.

So, what stresses you out and how can you shift the way you think about it?

 

Whatever Happened to Joe?

Sometimes we have a nagging feeling that things just are not right. It may be general discontent and dissatisfaction or things may get to the point of unravelling around us. That happened to Joe a few months ago as the career path he had been continuing to struggle with came to a dead end as he was let go. Admittedly, this was not his dream job and in fact he had not in his forty + years really considered or chosen a career but instead stumbled into something that seemed reasonable and secure and diligently tried for years to make it work with lackluster results. We spoke and met several times about uncovering his strengths and talents, exploring his passions and discovering a sense of meaning and purpose as he decided what to do next. He recognized how little he really knew of himself and was excited but fearful of what he might uncover.

Little progress was made.

Although not working he found scarce time to invest in self exploration, during our conversations  he was engaged and claimed commitment but there was no follow up on his part.

He has recently found another position within the same industry he struggled with before. He is not excited, but it is what he is familiar with and that means something to many of us. Certainly some new approaches and attitudes mixed with a new opportunity may bring him success, I hope so.

This  situation is not uncommon. In fact it is more uncommon for people to think this way; to be self aware and willing to find their own answers to live life on their own terms. To believe that more is possible  for themselves and their lives and that they are responsible and capable to create it.

Many of us are simply not in the habit of being truly in touch with who we are and what we want. It can be uncomfortable to dig in a bit, although the  rewards are great it does get a little dirty at times. If you do not see the possibilities and benefits it is hard to be motivated. Fear always plays a role as we endeavor to do bigger and better things and grow. You do not have to wait to be fearless, just to have that courage to do what needs to be done in spite of fear. To believe the unknown may in fact be better than the known.

Ultimately, one has to be ready, as with most worthwhile things no one can do it for you. The journey is our own and we have to choose it in our own time.

 

 

 

 

Ink Blot Test

 For many years psychiatrists and psychologists have used the Rorschach test for insight into human behavior and thinking. I am sure you are familiar with this scientific test; a series of ink blot images are shown to the subject and they are to describe what they see. What they see is a direct reflection of who they are, how they perceive and feel about both themselves and their world.

What we see in each other and our world everyday is also a unique refection of who and how we are. Our emotions, current and past  events and attitudes shape all our perceptions and color our beliefs. Being aware of this is vital. Understanding you have the ability to change it is powerful.

A person with an overall optimistic and upbeat attitude is more likely to try new things and make new friends. Their positive perception of the world and others is a direct reflection of their positive perception of themselves and their ability to do well. Additionally, people are naturally attracted to them because of the attitude and energy they put out.

Conversely, people that routinely see things negatively or are apt to feel no one likes them and things are aligned against them are really projecting their insecurity, self doubt and dislike outward. Others pick up on this often before a word is spoken.

Your ink blot test is the results you get when you look at yourself, others and circumstances in your world. Make some observations and some interpertations.

Many of us, have areas that cause us trouble on a regular basis that we are keenly aware of and may even really want to change.  Are you sometimes unforgiving, intolerant, rigid?  Do you dislike certain traits in others or have a hard time accepting people? Are you cynical or suspicious?

Become aware of how these very things apply to how you  perceive yourself and then set out to shift your perspective of you.

Be more tolerant, accepting and forgiving of yourself and it becomes easy to be so with others.

Focus on your strengths and develop confidence in your abilities then difficulties and obstacles will be neutralized and overcome more easily.

To do this awareness is key. Explore circumstances that may have led to your perceptions and challenge yourself about whether it is valid and true to continue to relate current people and circumstance to this example.Be honest about where these attitudes and perceptions come from and how they help or hinder you in your life. Do they move you forward, bring you happiness and enrich your life?

For some of us this requires we dig a bit and maybe explore several things that formed these habits of thinking that do not serve us. Frankly, it is not always so easy to do. But I warn you: when you really shift it is a permanent and powerful transformation.

If the results of your ink blot test are not quite what you would like; change the only variable...you.

 

There are resources available via therapy, coaching and assesment tools if  you need assistance. The  Energy Leadership Index Assessment measures these factors and is a great tool to uncover perspectives and attitudes that effect your view of yourself and the world, the vibe you put out and how others ultimately view you.

Learn more http://www.lifescapesite.com/services/assessments

 

" When we change the way we look at things the things we look at change"

Wayne Dyer