Dance of Our Lives

It is something many of us give lip service to: Playing all out. Going all in. Living on fire. Pushing the limits and exiting the comfort zone.

How many of us live it I wonder? I think very few. It sounds appealing and very exciting, but at the same time it is scary. The fact is for those that aspire to live rich, full, authentic and meaningful lives such as you and I, life becomes a dance between striving forward  and overcoming the fear that threatens to hold us back. I realize most of us think it is only ourselves that has these lingering doubts, fears, negative voices, but I am here to tell you some variety or intensity is within all of us, totally human.

To a large extent the measure of our happiness and success is the result of how well we cultivate the courage to be fully who we are despite the fears we have that tempt us to play small and stay safe.

Just as there are underlying subconscious yearnings that we spend our lives trying to recognize and fulfill there are underlying subconscious fears that we must take out and examine by the light of day pushing through them to ultimately be, do and have what we seek.

This combination is the cycle of our lives, a dance we are invited to participate in boldly, fully and passionately. Many do not. The thought of the risk too great. Choosing to forgo the joy hampered by the the thoughts that start with what if? What if I fail , what if I am judged , rejected and so on.

We will examine those fears moving forward this year. As I have endeavored to live boldly and seek to uncover my own fears. I too know what it is to be tempted to stay small or safe to only risk so much, to be bold in only some areas. I also know the reward of having courage and the incredible experience and triumph it brings. It is one of those things that gets better with practice, like dancing I suppose.

First, we must be bold enough to get out on the floor, then we must trust our selves to be aware; to listen to the music within and around us and courageously, authentically move freely in the joyous dance of our lives.

I have always loved to dance...this year I am ready for more practice.

What calls to you that you feel is not possible or scary and why?

What things do you avoid because of what others may think?

How can you cultivate more courage than fear this year?

Do not wait for the absence of fear, cultivate more courage and go after what you seek.

 

 

 

 

Being vs. Doing in 2014

Okay, so we have already touched on the obligatory post about how to make resolutions that work.

This is vital stuff of course, if you are going to set out to make some significant changes in your life you want to go about it in such a way that you have the best chance to succeed and let's face it that's what we coaches get paid to help people do right?

But I have been thinking since I wrote it just what it is people set their resolutions about.

This was also inspired by two recent conversations; one with a very good friend a couple days ago as he shared his resolutions for 2014 and one with my daughter Rachel today, New Years Day.

My friend had many written, specific and detailed goals but they were not the typical work out more, eat better, lose weight or career goals.

All of his were personal objectives focused on who he would be and how he would live. His resolutions included:

Continue to search for meaning, be ready to recognize it when presented, and commit to experiencing it fully
Live life with passion and purpose
Continue to become the best version of myself I can be in every regard
Tell the people who I love how much they mean to me with regularity
Find the best in everyone and let them know that it is seen and appreciated.

Quite  beautiful and powerful objectives. It occurred to me however that these all related to how to be and that usually when discussing resolutions or goals the focus is on what to do, a dramatic difference. It seems that people often get caught up in task oriented goals and to do lists. Maybe it is easier to set concrete objectives like lose 15 pounds or quite smoking. However, I think we often fail to truly recognize we are more than just a list of accomplishments. That at the end of the day it matters most who we are  and how we are rather than just what we did.

The conversation with my daughter today started with her asking me what word represented my theme this year. I had to think a minute as she shared that hers was commitment. The theme of commitment being the guiding principle to  adhere to as she pursued personal and business objectives in 2014. I chose Big-Time. The principle to no longer play small and take everything to a higher level including my business but just as importantly my personal relationships even my personal care like exercise and meditation. Truth be told I played kinda small in 2013 and it is time to step it up a notch in lots of areas. I liked her idea to have an overall theme, a guiding principle or word. This approach also supported the concept of how you would be rather than just what you would do or attain.

As I considered this approach it became clear that if we set the objectives and themes around how we are being what we ought to be doing to achieve and support that would be apparent.

I believe that the more closely aligned your goals are to your deepest values the more motivation you will have to work towards them and the more fulfillment, happiness and meaning you will feel as you achieve them.

And so today I am encouraging you as you consider what changes you will make and what you would like to do with this new year that you start with who and how you want to be. As with everything else worthwhile we must have a clear vision of what we want and a step by step strategy that will get us there if we can hope to attain it.

What types of objectives reflect how and who you want to be?

 

Here are some of mine:

Fear less & risk more both personally and professionally, go all in

Live with more freedom and independence

Show more love and appreciation to people in my life more often.

Recognize and appreciate beauty in all forms.

Play more, live fully and invite others to join me.

Say thank you more and complain  less

Be in the moment, focused and present

Make a positive impact in the lives of as many people as I can everyday.

 

 

 

 

 

Resolute Resolutions

 

It’s that time again. New Years brings parties and best wishes as well as best intentions and resolutions. It’s natural to want to grow change and improve and most often people pick a significant day as a starting point, hence New Year New You!



According to a University of Scranton Study 45% of Americans make New Year resolutions. They also found that 8% of those actually had lasting success with their goals. Many people diminish resolutions saying they do not work, however while 8% is a low percentage it is still a high number. Thousands of positive changes are made from resolutions every year. Truth be told it does not matter when you start to make the changes you most want what matters is your strategy and how resolute you are.

For too many people resolutions are merely declarations not commitments to change or growth. It is the  difference in those terms and approaches that makes all the difference.

 

There are a few keys to making changes that last and reaching your goals.Using these key strategies will help insure your success but what it comes down to is you; are you firmly committed and are you prepared to recommit as often as necessary until you are successful? That is what being resolute is all about. Conversely, a declaration is a statement of intent, a wish, an idea.

 

The Right Resolutions: Chose carefully, be sure it’s a goal that matters to you not something you think you should do or are being pressured by others to pursue.

To stick to a goal longterm it must have heart; your heart invested in it. Also, consider if attaining it will actually provide that outcome you seek. Know what you are truly after and why. This is a big key to the motivation you will need to achieve it.

 

Step by Step Strategy: Once clear on a specific reasonable goal, I recommend SMART goals as a structure to set Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time framed goals. Break down your goal from the end result back to the first step and write down exactly what you will do to move forward and when in bite size doable steps.

Many people defeat themselves by setting a resolution with no structure to achieve it. Make a plan.

 

Be Resolved and Believe: We most often get what we expect and rarely get what we want. You must believe in you ability to achieve what you want and that you deserve what you are pursuing. Seems like a no brainer but we all have a negative voice that holds us back at times and can be very undermining.This fuels self sabotage such as when we cheat on our diet with a cookie after lunch then overeat the rest of the day since we have already screwed up or expect to gain back anything we lose on a diet since we have a yo -yo track record haunting us. We must commit and recognize our best efforts will vary day to day; a little slip is to be expected, recommit to your goals and return to the plan. Expect and believe in your success and keep returning to the path that leads you there.

 

Support Often overlooked, set up a support system that will help you. It is well documented that using written goals and sharing them with supportive positive people greatly increases success. Join a group, enlist a friend to join you, set up a competition, hire a professional. Nurture and recharge as well; change can be tough and stressful. Be sure you are balancing by nurturing your mind, body and soul along the way. Take time for fun and activities that refresh and recharge you. Bubble baths nights out with friends music mediation reading whatever works for you is crucial to keep you at your best.

 

Next year at this time what will you be most proud of?

What will you enjoy and experienced?

How will you grow and change to be able to say that 2014 was a great year?

Be resolute in your pursuit of what you most want in 2014.

Happy New Year!

 

Give Joy...It's free!

I sometimes become aware of a super power I have.

I have several of course but this one always makes an immediate impact and is so very appropriate at this time of year.

I am speaking of the power to make someone else feel good, to give joy.

It is amazingly simple in fact and not only has the power to change someone else's moment or entire day but also immediately makes me feel good as well.

Scientifically this makes sense. We know from studies that random acts of kindness increase dopamine and serotonin; brain chemicals associated with happiness not only in the recipient and the giver but even any witnesses to the kind acts.

Powerful stuff.

All around us this Holiday season we give, receive and see messages of "Be Merry, Joy, Happiness, Peace on Earth," but what are we actually doing about it?

I chose this season to say good morning to strangers and smile more often, be extra nice and considerate to sales people and servers, both groups that work tirelessly this season, to compliment people genuinely and listen intently whenever I can.

Taking a moment  to talk to people, be kind, laugh and make connections just makes life better and changes the dynamic of most any situation immediately.

The results are terrific. There is nothing better than to watch someones face light up at a good  morning smile or laugh with a stranger in line simply because you took the time to admire her boots and start a conversation rather than gazing into space as if there was not another human being close by.

Why don't we use this power more often?

Sometimes we forget or are a afraid, thinking we may be rejected or that we should mind our own business.

But as Ebenezer Scrooge famously said" Mankind is my business".

Sure, maybe a time or two you will not get the desired result or response. Do not take it personally you do not know what is on their mind that day that has them distracted or holds them back.You have nothing to lose. Remember, this is freely given as a gift; no expectations.

I challenge you this holiday season to get in touch with your superpower and spread joy.

I am confident you and all those around you will have a Merrier Christmas as a result.

 Happy Holidays!

 

 

 

 

 

Gratitude Challenge

This is the week of one of my favorite holidays!

I love to celebrate so I actually like all holidays to some extent.

However, this one is awesome celebrating traditions born in our country rich in history, setting aside time to be with family , friends and say thank you for all that we have.  I think of the original meal shared by diverse people of vastly different culture and belief. One can imagine language and customs that were very different coming together despite differences to share a meal and appreciate the bounty of harvest and new beginnings.

I am sharing today a worksheet I did with my Women Wine and Wisdom Group recently about gratitude. It has some things for you to consider as well as a challenge.
I would love to hear back form you.

 

As for me I am grateful for;

A healthy strong body and mind

3 healthy happy children each making me so proud as they pursue their greatness and passion all making a positive imapct in hte world.

Open honest clients who do me the honor of sharing a bit of themselves and their lives with me with such trust and grace

Wonderful friends that accept and love me as I am and share so much of themselves with me.

Creative business partners and connections that help me grow and develop

Patient, kind and generous coworkers who put up with me day after day

Music and sunshine, art and literature all which reminds me moment to moment of the beauty both around us and within us.

Have a wonderful holiday!

An attitude of gratitude is powerful.

But it requires a choice and some discipline.

At times we can easily become overwhelmed with challenges or just comfortable and complacent; taking things for granted.

 

Catalog a list of things in your life that you are thankful for.

Start with the obvious and large and round it out with the small things you may take for granted.

Go a step further to list the positive things you can be thankful for that are a product of difficulties or things you do not like. For instance a woman that may dislike her figure can also be thankful for a strong body that allows her to enjoy the world.

When we really look at things anew we discover the blessings in the burdens and trials or if not we can at least be thankful things are not worse.

 

Write this list out and use it this week. Read, reflect, revise.

It is powerful to be grateful in fact, it is impossible to be negative and truly grateful at the same time.

Use genuine gratitude to balance stress and unhappiness effectively. It is a natural mood booster!

 

 

 

 

 

Retreat

I had the privilege this weekend to facilitate a Women's Renewal Retreat as many of you know.

I have facilitated many events the past couple years but this was a bit different.

We stayed in the Homestead BNB which I am increasingly convinced is a magical place not only because each time I am there I find it serenely peaceful and relaxing but every event I have had there draws in the most amazing participants that seem to all fit together as if they are dear old friends. People just connect well in this space. Business groups and personal growth groups I have hosted here take on more intimate, nurturing aspects than you normally see with amazing speed.

It is a special place and such a gift to work with the owner, now good friend MaryKay. We have a partnership that just works, is fun and natural.

I also partnered with my daughter Rachel on the retreat which offers such a rare and wonderful opportunity to be inspired and proud at the same time. Wow! Hard to describe that...it truly was a magical weekend on so many levels.

It takes some courage to break away from normal routines, give up a whole precious weekend not fully knowing what to expect.

It takes some courage to share your thoughts and dreams, play full out, try new things, be open to new people, ideas, foods and experiences.

The group we had did all of that and more embracing all that we offered and each other to a level I could not have anticipated and am forever grateful to have been a part of. Thank you!

For me this is what it is all about, connecting people more fully to themselves and to each other so they can have more full and rich experiences and more satisfying, successful and happy lives.

Can't wait for the next one!

 

 

Coloring Outside the Lines

I have lived a rather varied life; at different times very regimented and conservative at others very free and fearless.

I have moved through being immobilized by weakness,limited thinking and insecurity as well as emboldened by  abundant courage, solid confidence and strength.

There have been times I have diligently followed all the "rules", the guidelines for a good life, to be a good wife, Mom, employee, friend, human. At other times I flexed my freedom being true to myself, making my own rules, living true true to my own values.

I have always been quite solitary and have learned to trust my own counsel regardless of how many times it has led me astray.

I also later in life have learned to trust that whatever the outcome it is ultimately good for me and  I am capable of not only handling it but possibly even enjoying it or at the least growing as a result. Admittedly, I am a slow learner, a late bloomer in some respects. And yet I believe to step forward is the only way for me even when I do not know where it leads. I have no reason to be like this, I just am.

It comes down to coloring inside or outside of the lines in a sense: Following the rules and formulas, the advice of others sometimes at a cost to your own creativity or coloring outside the lines going your own way and making your own picture even if no one else get's it.

It is pretty clear that the latter can get a bit messy, maybe in the end you will not have much on paper to show for it; but will it be more satisfying?

The romantic and optimistic part of me that has always won out says yes. That it is worth it.

Nonetheless, it is a struggle. With freedom comes responsibility, with independence accountability, with solitude loneliness.

Not following some structure leads to difficult stations, it often does not work well.

There is no one else to blame when you invariable screw up, no one there to share the credit with when you shine.

Honestly , I do not know which life is better or even if there is a better.

To live within the lines may provide safety, security, comfort, stability, ease and if you are lucky a neat little picture to hang on the wall in the end.

Life outside the lines may be risky, adventurous, lonely, passionate, difficult and may end up to be a big mess or just might turn out to be a one of a kind masterpiece.

In truth, whichever way you choose can be pretty messy and frankly you never know what you will end up with.

Like anything else we have to choose our methods or maybe ideally blend the two techniques to come up with a real piece of art.