New and Improved

Have you been in a bookstore lately and seen the vast array of self help books? Billions of dollars are spent every year as millions of people seek to be better, new and improved in some way. Many of these books have wise and useful information and are a great resource, I have certainly read more than my fair share from this section over the past 25 years. But I have come to realize on my journey and in working with others that they are just not quite enough most of the time. There are several reasons for this: You get all kinds of great information and really excited about the changes you will make ...for a short time. There is no follow up or method to really embrace and apply what you have learned. Often people read these books and put them down, rather than study them as they would taking a class or really trying to learn new concepts. Many times there are great ideas but little application to ones individual circumstance. Overall, of course they are written to apply to most everyone so naturally they cannot apply uniquely to each individual. However, I think the largest problem is the idea the reader may have that they have a need to become different or changed in the first place to find happiness, wholeness and success.

The secret is that the key to being happier, whole and more successful is to return to being more of who you already are. We forget ourselves sometimes. All kinds of things get in our way of just being us. Being authentic, utilizing our unique strengths and talents and pursuing our own ideas and passions.

To raise our awareness, educate ourselves, develop more positive thinking and habits is a life long valuable endeavor in personal growth we all would do well to pursue through reading and any other methods.

But to find real happiness, deep lasting  joy and satisfaction one does not need to become new and improved; rather to rediscover, reconnect and fully express that which they already are.

What Defines You?

All of us have an idea of who we are, what we are capable of and our worth. But where do these notions come from? How accurate are they and how do they serve you?

I find these questions fascinating. Unfortunately, I do not think many people consider them. We so easily accept the labels and definitions.However, I believe the answers to these questions explain how your life is; career, relationships, habits, behavior and attitude as well as how you view yourself and your world.

Really everything boils down to: who you think you are, what you think that means about you and how you view yourself in relation to the world.

So what defines you? And where did those notions come from?

Some people have specific circumstances or people that have impacted what and who they perceive themselves to be. Some "thing" that happened to them, how they were raised or beliefs instilled in them have shaped their opinion of themselves, often including their very worth, value and capability. If you are fortunate your influences have been positive and so you have an overall sense of value and abilities. For far too many that is not the case and the negative influence greatly hinders them from fully being themselves and enjoying life. At worst this can lead to unhealthy and harmful behavior.

Truly, we are a total today of all we are and all that has happened to us. However, what that means and how it defines us varies greatly.

All too often we allow outer things to define us and limit us. We allow an imperfect person to tell us who we are and what we are capable of and we may believe it without question for years. We may have an event or trauma that shapes how we see ourselves and our value may be affected indefinitely.

When we do this we abdicate our power and undermine our happiness.

We can challenge these notions; where they came from and reevaluate for ourselves to regain that power. The  power to define ourselves and the happiness that comes from freely, fully being.

We can decide for ourselves who and what we are and struggle to break free of all the inexpert and imperfect input we have received.

We can also choose to break out of the roles and definitions we have made for ourselves that no longer fit.

Sure, not always easy but always possible.

We can choose what circumstances and occurrences mean to us,  about us and how we let it shape us. We do not have a choice in all that happens in our lives but we do have a choice in our reaction to it and how it impacts us overall. Even though it often seems we don't. Depending on the situation this may seem an impossible task. Sometimes we do not even want to challenge ourselves; stubborn to hold on to the definition we have of ourselves even if it is a painful limiting one.  But as you begin to ask the questions and reinterpret the answers you will find a new more powerful perspective.

So, what defines you?

A job, a role, a trauma, illness, your past, stress, situation,  a relationship, a long ago comment...

You are much more than that...

Find what works for you and what is true and serves you, challenge, reinterpret or discard the rest.

If it is difficult, seek a coach or therapist to help you discover fresh perspectives and regain your power to define yourself and be fully you.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

You are so much more than you have yet dared to imagine...