Wisdom of the Oldies

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need.." The Rolling Stones When you are from a certain generation there seems to be something about Summer that reignites an interest in the songs of our youth. Event planners know this of course and fill the Summer festival stages with acts that had their hay days long ago. I sometimes think lyrics from some of theseoldies are more poignant than much of what I hear these days. Now I am really dating myself. I love the line quoted above and find more meaning to it in my upper forties than when I used to belt it out with the radio blaring Mick's iconic voice. Chalk it up to another lesson I had to learn the hard way. "You can't always get what you want" True. Often we do not even know what we want or we think we do and once we get it discover we were terribly mistaken. In my life there have been many things I have pursued with certainty, determination and achieved but later changed my mind or found it was not all it was cracked up to be. Rarely do we get exactly what we want and typically it does not turn out to be exactly what we thought. In hindsight these disappointments guide us to a better knowing of ourselves as well as more insight into what we do want and why. "If you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need". More true.The beauty of not getting what we want is in the discovery that we have gotten exactly what we needed instead. Sometimes it can be painful or uncomfortable but when we are open we can reap so many benefits of not achieving what we thought we wanted. So many times we arrogantly think we know what is best and can be headstrong in our pursuits doing whatever it takes to make things happen. I remember being like that when I was younger, determined to make things happen and very frustrated when they did not work out the way I thought they should. It caused a lot of pressure and anxiety that I am glad I have let go of now, ( mostly). There are other times we become so focused on something specific that we miss real opportunities for something wonderful. A good example is personal relationships. We think we know just what type of person suits us, how the relationship should work and how long it should last. We may even have a list or vision of the partner of our dreams in great detail. Funny thing is we do not usually think of the things that really matter and are puzzled when we find someone that suits our description but we just are not really feeling what we thought we should. As with other goals and dreams we can miss great opportunities for profound relationships because they do not match what we think we are looking for, doing this can lead to a lot of lonely nights. However, this goes well beyond relationships, there is even a term for it, miswanting, and it plays out in all aspects of life. One of the things I love about people is how fickle we are. We are so dynamic and complex always changing and growing this contributes to the difficulties we face with getting what we want. We change our minds while at the same time life changes and  offers us surprises that we never could have imagined. As a life coach creating a vision of what you want, developing the goals and strategies to achieve it is kind of my bread and butter. I have learned through the years to set goals and work diligently toward them but to remain open to what comes my way as well and I encourage my clients to do the same. The truth is we do not always know what we want or what will bring us what we really need and deeply desire. I have changed course many times and enjoyed some fantastic detours with people and experiences I could never have imagined as a result.  It is critical to clarify your vision of the life you want to create, set goals and take action to be sure. Life is too wonderful and precious not to make solid plans but we must also keep our arms and eyes wide open to the opportunities and surprises along the way so that we have the best chance to not only get what we want but also to get what we need. This Summer I will belt out that old Stones tune with even more abandon and joy knowing that I am perfectly happy and forever grateful that I can't always get what I want but if I try sometimes I sure have found that I get what I need…yeah baby... Key Steps to Get What You Want & What You Need  Self Awareness. Know and trust yourself. Investigate your dreams and desires, identify your motives and drivers. Clarify what and why. Develop strategies, set goal and make plans. Set up step by step action plans and get started with a small manageable first step to get you headed in the right direction. Use self discipline to stay the course until it is habit. Have specific goals but not an attachment to exactly how it will be fulfilled. Keep your eyes and your mind open. Opportunities will come your way constantly, not always ones you expect. Recognize that there are many paths to achieve your goal and sometimes one you may not have anticipated may be the best route. Be grateful for detours, pot holes and roadblocks on your journey all offer depth and growth if you allow it to be so. Adopt and attitude that everything that happens or comes your way is for your greater good and it will be, even when it is difficult or unpleaseant there is always the growth or richness of that experience. More info http://www.lifescapestrategies.com

Your Personal Mission Statement: A Simple Powerful Tool

A personal mission statement is a simple declaration of the values that ground you. It is why you are you. As such it helps support the reasons you do what you do. Tying your goals to your mission provides the motivation you need . Conversely, investing a lot of time or effort into something that goes against or does not support your mission will be dissatisfying if not disastrous.

Good mission statements are short, less than one paragraph. Clear and just feel right in your gut when you hit on it. It fuels you to grow and supports the goals and relationships you truly want.

How to write a mission statement:

1. Jot down your top values or principles: What matters most to you?
2. Consider what mark or impression you want to leave on life
3. What makes you happiest or sets you on fire?
4. When you think about the significant things you have done or want to do define WHY you want it 
5. How do you want to be? 
6. This is more about what you want to be rather than achieve but it will fuel the motivation to achieve things that align with it.

Once you get it and it feels good embrace it fully and live it largely.

Write it out and post it everywhere. Write it decoratively, take a photo and use as your screen saver or frame it. Be open to tweaking it as you change as well. Remember you are a work in progress while many of your core values remain constant in your life you are fluid and dynamic, changing beliefs, priorities and direction as you see fit.

My Example:

To embrace life fully and passionately. To experience and connect deeply with all that I can. To recognize and honor the divine beauty and value in everyone including myself and nurture and celebrate it always.

The Golden Buddha and You

Over three centuries ago in what was then Siam the Buddhist Monks had a beautiful Buddha that stood over ten feet tall made of solid gold weighing over 2 tons. This statue was highly treasured and valuable to the monks in many ways far beyond monetary value. During a time of war it was discovered that the Burmese Army was planning an attack. The monks knew they would steal or destroy the Buddha so they completely covered it with 12 inches of clay mud to protect it.  Unfortunately, all the monks were killed during the invasion but their plan worked so well that the “clay” statue survived untouched for another two centuries.

 In the 1950’s a new monastery was being built and it was decided to move the 10 foot tall clay Buddha to the new location. It was much heavier than anticipated, when the crane came to lift it, it cracked revealing a glimpse of the hidden beauty and treasure that was there all along. The monks carefully chiseled away all the clay and mud to restore the statue to it’s original grandeur. Today it is enjoyed by millions of visitors at the Temple of the Golden Buddha in Bangkok, Thailand.

The story of the Golden Buddha is so like each of us.

I believe we are each beautiful treasures of priceless value and potential. During our lives we also are covered with mud, often in an attempt to protect us but it also diminishes our ability to shine as we truly are intended to. When you watch young children play you observe that it is our natural instinct to let it all hang out and fully enjoy ourselves and our lives. When we are young we are comfortable with our greatness and boldly in share all that we are. But as our identity is formed and our vision of the world develops much of this is tamped down by well meaning adults attempting to teach us to be polite, fit in, be safe from harm, and excel. Even the best intended messages can dim our bright and bold natures: Don’t touch that, don’t do that, be quiet, behave yourself, you better be careful, you are going to get hurt, be a good girl, don’t be selfish, that will never work, stop dreaming, get serious, don’t trust strangers, you are wrong, slow down, that’s stupid, the list is endless. These common well meaning messages each put a layer of mud over our gold. As you grow you may experience physical or emotional abuse, bullying, rejection, heartbreak and disappointment or serious health issues. We all have negative or horrific experiences in our lives, these too add a layer of mud to protect us and hide behind. We then add our own layers of mud as we encounter the pain of rejection and the disappointment of defeat or failure.

It seems to me the condition of the world can be very much like an attack of enemy forces. Like the monks our instincts tell us to hide the good stuff away to protect it. It may seem that this is wise, after all the monks saved their treasure. But we do not have two centuries to wait to be uncovered and enjoyed.

We long to be seen as we truly are. We crave the freedom and fearlessness to chisel away the clay and brightly shine as all of who we are. When we remain hidden it causes disconnect, restlessness, stress and depression. Unlike the Buddah we are alive underneath the mud and struggle to break free. We suffer when we are covered with clay, unable to fully express ourselves, pursue our deepest desires and fully intimately connect with each other.

This is the journey of our lives. To become aware of the valuable treasure within each of us. Then we can begin to chisel away at those layers that hold us back using the sharp edge of courage and the dissolving grace of self acceptance. As we begin to see ourselves as we truly are and resist the temptation to play it safe and small we discover a life that is more meaningful and richly rewarding. We can then step fully into the beauty and treasure that has always been there just under the surface and become all that we already are.