Reveal the Real You ...Please

Not everyone likes introspection and self discovery. Even so, most of us know there are aspects of ourselves we keep under wraps sometimes even from ourselves.

For some not knowing may seem safe; "what if I do not like what I discover?" they silently ask.

My answer to that is a confident no way!

 When you peel away the onion skin layers that may veil your true self from others as well as yourself you will find what you have sought all of your life: You.

You suit you. You were made for you. And you may just find others will fall in love with this more you version of you all over again.

All the trying to be different, rejection of certain aspects, the busyness and noise that has hidden you away has served only to dull who you are. That is the version we do not like of ourselves. It is false, it is partial, it is fragile. It annoys us and continues to fall short in our own eyes because deep down we are dying to get out. To be free and fully ourselves.

Many of us are somehow so afraid of rejection from others that we ultimately reject large parts of ourselves; give up our best ideas, dreams and passions rather than be shot down or  fail.

Certainly, we are all at times cruely critised or judged by others.

The truth is those people that may not really like you may not really like themselves all that much either. So why listen to them?

I think part of it is a result of the good intentions of parents and others as we are raised; You are a good girl for this, bad boy for that. And the not so well intentioned input of insecure and immature siblings and peers teasing or even bullying. And it does not stop there;  media messages, lovers, coworkers everyone is happy to critise.

It seems to grow up we must learn to deny or hide parts of ourselves to attempt to have others love and accept us then as adults we must learn to recover and reveal those parts to ever attempt to fully love and accept ourselves.

It is only then; beautifully and fully you, that you will truly attain the love and acceptance you have always sought. This is the  foundation of lasting happiness.

Reveal you ...please! You and I and everyone else will thank you for it. It is the unique and complete version of you that is needed here. Trust that.

" To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

" At best you can only ever be a second rate version of someone else, you will always be the best YOU"

 unknown

 

 

7 Top Tips for More Passion and Happiness Now

Surveys indicate that 80% of Americans do not feel passionate about their lives. That is a huge number!

Thoreau wrote in the mid 1800's " Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them". Sad but true even after all these years.

It is easy to get stuck in a rut, to lose sight of our dreams and the things we love most. In fact, it is all too common. We are busy, we have many obligations, we are all grown up and serious now. But, being in that 80% gets boring, unfulfilling and very ho hum. It leaves us feeling stressed and anxious as well because we are not being true to ourselves and following our heart and soul.

I don't know about you but I wanna be in the 20%!

The fortunate 20% of Americans that do feel passionate about their lives and are living vibrant, full and fun lives.

Top 7 Tips to be More Happy and Passionate

1. Know yourself  Always the first and most crucial step. Get in touch with what you want, what is important to you and what you enjoy. Spend time unplugged from daily distraction to reflect and listen. What do you do best? What do you never tire of? When do you feel in the zone? What do others admire most in you? Use questions and also reflect on the best times of your life to shape a picture of what you are passionate about. Recall the things you most loved in your youth; what makes you think you won't still love that now or maybe something similar.


2. Have the courage to follow your heart We all deal with fear at some point. Certainly, it can be scary to fully put yourself out there to follow your passions; to really live as you want and pursue what is most important to you." What if I do and fail?" we think. "What if I do and succeed?" needs to be the answer because that is the truth. Very often it is fear of what others will think that holds us back. We do not want to look stupid or foolish or fall down in front of our peers. Fear is normal. Cultivate courage to act in spite of any fear.


3. Lose the excuses Many excuses will fall away once you manage fear. But the biggie " I do not have the time" can be a stubborn one. Access for yourself if that is really true. Take stock of your days and weeks; where are are you spending empty moments or hours for that matter? What are you currently doing that you could stop or delegate? Find time for what matters most: You. Rid yourself of reasons not to have a great life. 


4. Take the gloves off  Stop holding back. At times we  protect ourselves too much, not wanting to get hurt and  preventing the good stuff of life in the process. To be passionate we must get a little dirty, be more sensual and feel life fully; the great stuff and the not so great. Go ahead; feel, experience, express, live.


5. Be happier? Do more happy things  It is a simple premise;  if you want to have a happier life do more of what makes you happy. Simple is so often overlooked. When life gets hectic and our schedule get's tight what is the first thing to go? The good stuff, the fun stuff, the truly important stuff that makes our lives enjoyable and recharges us to be our best. Just when we need it the most. Do more of what makes you feel good you need it and deserve it.


6. Shift your focus Become aware of what you think about and talk about on regular basis. It  seems it is human nature to complain, dwell on the problems and see the clouds on the most beautiful of days. This type of behavior trains our brains to look for more of the same; more negative. Choose to focus instead on the good stuff; what you want to create rather on what you will never have. Avoid pessimists and complainers and surround yourself with positive energy like-minded people.


7. Make YOU a priority Start living like the movie star you truly are. Do not settle for a supporting role in your own life movie. Write your own happy ending and enjoy all the excitment and challenges in between. This is your life. Popular belief says you just get one. Isn't it time you lived it the way you want to? Pursue what is most important to you, find time to enjoy everyday. Really believe in something, take a stand. Laugh out loud, cry if you want....feel and experience deeply and completely.

 

 

It Is Not In The Why But In The How

It seems that when something happens,  particularly something we perceive as difficult or bad, much energy is spent on the why: why did this happen? Why do I deserve this? What are the reasons and motivations exactly that lead to this? Why did I do that?

One of the first things we do is attempt to  make sense of a thing or situation by struggling to understand why it has occurred. This is a natural and reasonable response. The insight can be very useful in fact. We can learn and grow with this knowledge. However, certain situations have no easy answers or discernible reasons. Frequently we can get  stuck in this mode of asking why to our own detriment. The why presses upon us sometimes bringing guilt or blame and almost always a sense of injustice, inequality or persecution. If we decide something is unfair and undeserved it does not make it go away but can make us not handle it effectively since "we should not have to".

Do you know people that are still ruminating the why's of their childhood or past relationships? Why they were passed over for a promotion? Why they fell so ill? It can become endless. In my experience spending more than a few moments on the why is just not very useful.

I have found myself in this loop of thinking before and quickly catch myself because I can feel this thinking oppressing and depressing me. Personally, I have always been far better off focusing on how to solve something or move forward in spite of it and so my why naturally turns quickly into how to overcome or adjust and that works pretty well for me.

I believe the more important answers to what happens in our lives come from asking how not why. How will I solve this. handle it, live with it ? How will I respond as my best self? How can I grow and learn from this experience? How can I serve or guide others as a result of this?

Ultimately, how does this make me more of who I am and who I am to be?

That is the underlying question in both the most wonderful and most difficult of times: How can this make me more of who I am to be?

When you can embrace that way of thinking whatever circumstance is an opportunity and can even be welcomed if not for the thing itself but for what you will gain that you would not have otherwise.

I admit, it is not easy to think this way. I have to frequently remind myself and redirect my thinking.

Sometimes I do not want to go through it, even if I will grow and evolve. But, there is usually not a choice in the thing,  just in our response to it so that is where our focus must be.

This really struck me as I  have been reading Viktor Frankl Mans Search For Meaning the past week. This recounts his experience and observations as a concentration camp prisoner during the Holocaust.  As a psychiatrist and a survivor of the horror of many years in camp with tremendous loss of freedom, identity, beloved wife and family he contends that the main motivational force of mans life is his search for meaning. He identifies the last human freedom as the ability we have to choose our attitude and response regardless of external circumstance and it is in this response that we are defined and whole. He states that there is unique opportunity in how we bear our burdens. Further, that it is not what we expect from life but rather what life expects from us that matters.

It is a beautiful book and I highly recommend it.

It made my how bigger. Not just how do I solve, overcome and share my lessons but how does this make me more? How can I be the best me in bearing it?  Wow! This leaves a huge amount of room for improvement. I feel more calm and comfortable facing the difficulties with these questions, feeling almost lucky for the chance to step up to the plate with faith that there is unique opportunity in all.

Obviously, people under those drastic horrific circumstances of the Nazi Camps that were somehow able to find meaning and press on make my troubles and challenges rather insignificant. But also serve as a model that no matter what the challenge or circumstance there is meaning and growth to be found if we can focus on the how.

• How will this experience stretch me? Add to my character and build my strengths?


• How will this experience shift my perspectives and expand my thinking?


• How can this provide an opportunity to fully utilize the creativity, strength and wisdom I do not always get to use?


• How can I model for my children or peers positive behavior and attitudes?


• How will this make me more of who I am and who I am to be?