We view ourselves and the world through what we believe. What we deeply, even subconsciously believe is the basis of our thoughts, behavior and ultimately the quality of our lives.What we believe about ourselves, what it means to be a man, a woman, sucessful, happy or in love... just for starters.Building of my last blog about self worth, which is the other big ticket life influence, let's focus on beliefs now.
Honestly, you can have a pretty solid sense of worth, and still have limiting beliefs that you have accumulated from others and your experiences that greatly effect your behavior and success. For instance, you are strong and confident about yourself but have an underlying belief you would never be a good wife or partner, you just are not good at that type of thing. Or possibly your beliefs about long term relationships are that they are painful or difficult. This may result in holding back from meaningful relationships or maybe even sabotaging them unintentionally.
It is possible and in fact probable, that you are strong and confident in some aspects of life and less so or a hot mess in others.
Underlying beliefs can prevent us from having the life we truly want if at some level without our awareness, we believe it is not possible, that we do not deserve it , if we had it it would not last, we are not adequate, no one our age can do it etc.
Sometimes it is subtle: We have subconscious notions for instance about relationships, money, parenting etc. Whatever those are we will fit our thoughts and behaviors to that ideal. Sometimes this can be limiting or destructive especially when we are ready to do something new or move to the next level. For example; if we believe one cannot be a great mother and have a great fulfilling career at the same time you will always struggle and prove that belief to yourself over and over. You may let the obligations of one interfere with the other or limit one, convinced it has to be put aside. This creates tremendous turmoil.
These are self fulfilling prophesies and I am sure you can think of many. There are many conscious ones, stuff we say without thinking and take for granted as true, but there are many more that hide even from us. "If they really knew me they would not like/love me, or I will never have any money, I am uncoordinated and can't dance, I am too old to try something new, people love me only because I take care of everything, men are only attracted to how I look" and on and on.
There are also the biggies; what you believe and perceive overall about the world and people in it that color you interactions, behavior and the results you get personally and professionally. Do you think the world is a good place, that life is wonderful, full of opportunity and adventure or is it drudgery, difficult and full of suffering? Kinda changes your approach to a day huh?
There are countless beliefs about who we are, what we are capable of as well as how we perceive others and the world around us that influence all our thoughts, attitudes and behaviors which result in our ability to be successful, fulfilled and happy.
If you have reached a plateau in your career or personal life , or you have patterns of behavior and habits that do not serve you well or maybe areas of your life that just are not the way you want them to be despite your best efforts; your beliefs hold the key. With awareness you can begin to challenge them and shift them to be more positive, useful and freeing.
So how do you know what your beliefs are if they are largely subconscious and what can you do about it?
You can start by playing detective; pay attention to hot buttons you have and ask why it bothers you, look for the deeper reason. A hint: it will always come back to you, really it is not about them or a thing but a feeling within you.
What qualities exasperate you in others? How are they related to your own qualities?
Ask yourself why you are doing things, how things make you feel, what might this be related to, how might that hold you back?
What are you afraid of? If there is something you have always said you want and sill do not have? Explore what you are afraid would be the outcome of having it or what you may have to let go of to allow it.
What if something else where true?
Be willing to open minded and honest. Get in the habit of more self awareness this is the first step to the changes you want to make to live a life you love.
