Fireflies and Flying High

I remember when my kids were little catching lightening bugs and trapping them in a jar. I had done it once or twice as a kid and it seemed like such a simple summer evening activity.



They are fascinating little creatures; so fun to hunt and catch then watch as they glow in the jar. We would poke holes in the top of an old jelly jar, add grass and a few drops of water, I imagine you may have done the same.

Unfortunately, we would occasionally forget to set them free or maybe we wanted to keep them as pets but invariably it was not very long till their lights stop shining and they were lying at the bottom of the jar. They could not thrive trapped.

It occurred to me the other day how we each have our own light to shine and how we sometimes find ourselves stuck in that jar not thriving.

There is something unique that is within each of us to share . Those that discover it and are bold enough to pursue it and share it live extraordinary lives of more fulfillment, satisfaction and success. Those that don't tend to instinctively know something is missing, are bored and restless or disengaged and depressed. There are many that know they are called to do more but chose to hold back, allowing themselves to be trapped like the firefly in the jar destined to grow dimmer and never really fly.

Many times we are unaware we are doing this.  I think we fail to make the connection of feeling restless and bored to not fully being or expressing ourselves. Frankly, it is so common to hold back and play it safe it is almost expected and even encouraged.

It seems so simple that if there is something for us to be or do that we naturally would, but so often we don't. We hold back in fear.

Fear we will be rejected or fail, that our dreams won't come true so we do not want to try.

We trick ourselves into believing that if we do not try it will not hurt to miss the mark, we will not look stupid, we won't be laughed at.

The crazy thing is that in avoiding this possible failure we keep ourselves from having any chance at real greatness and the joy of being fully and fabulously ourselves. We unwittingly sentence ourselves to ho hum lives and the dissatisfaction of wondering "what if" just to insure we protect ourselves from a possible painful moment.

Believe me, I know how difficult this is to overcome. To take the time to search out what it is that you have that makes you shine the brightest. To boldly step out to share what you have, to defy all the naysayers that do not understand. I also know that great things and good times are never easy. And I know that the alternative most think is the safe choice is no picnic either. In fact, I contend in the long run it is far harder to live as less than you could be than to risk it all to shine and fly free.

The truth is it comes down to choice. What do you believe?

Are you willing to fly high and shine bright or will you trap yourself in the jelly jar?

 

 

 

The Value of Values

Personal values are not something most of us think or talk about much. Some even do not know how to define the word values it seems to refer to some lofty ideals or moral stand. In actuality personal values are just the things that matter most to you.

The fact that they are authentic and important to you is the only thing that gives them value.

Even with this definition it may have been a while since you put words to what matters most in your life. Why bother you may ask, I just know. Sometimes you may be surprised however when you define, name and list them. You discover things that have gone by the way side or find that they way you prioritize has shifted.

The value in knowing your values is simply this: when you live in alignment with them you will be happier and more successful. When we are clear on our values and make choices based on them things tend to go smoother and easier even when there are difficulties we feel more at comfortable knowing we are in alignment to what is important to us.

Conversely, when we do not know our values or are operating in opposition to them we will struggle, feel stressed- out and inauthentic. We often do not even realize this but we sure know how it feels.

Ever tell someones secret to someone else and feel sick to your stomach? You probably deeply value trustworthiness, friendship or privacy.

How about when you find your dream job where you set your own hours and are self directed? You probably value independence and personal freedom very highly.

In both our professional and personal lives values are key to more satisfaction and happiness as well as more success. Let’s face it, we work harder, better and longer when we like something and the best part is we don’t mind doing it. That is how we feel when work within our values. In our personal relationships we all know people that we meet that we just click with, having little conflict and very similar interests. If you are like me you could always use more of these people in your life. Chances are very good that these folks share your deepest values or ones that are very similar. On the other hand having people in our lives that oppose our values leads to discord and conflict.

I recommend assessing your personal and professional values every six months. They do tend to shift a bit and change priority status overtime. I have found it very helpful to myself and my clients to not only look for ways to create more outlets and alignment but also to find awareness of how we are not honoring or even are opposing them. Being clear on these can also explain why some things really bother you and how you can assert that same value to find relief.

You can make a simple inventory of words and list as many concepts and characteristics you can think of. Creativity, freedom, honesty, fun, nature, knowledge, curiosity, experience, adventure, religion, romance, health, fitness, laughter and so on.

Then go through the list several times narrowing to the top 10 then further to the top 5.

Reflect on how these impact your life where you are in line with them as well as areas that you may be out of synch. Make an effort to base your decisions and spend your time in honor to them and you will begin to see a difference in your life.

If you would like my simple values assessment tool I will be happy to email one to you. Just send me an email request for either the personal or professional values assessment or take both they are free and easy to use.

Julia@lifescapesite.com

Choosing To Move Forward

Looking at the choices we make on a day to day basis clarifies whether we are moving forward in our lives or not. Honestly asking ourselves about what we are doing and why while being willing to own the answers to change and grow is critical to get new results.

The hardest part of change is change. We naturally go back to our default tendencies our patterns and habits our comfort zones but this tendency is what keeps us stuck year after year. It is possible to make radical changes in our life. We can change our habits of thought and behavior. We can live with more authenticity, meaning, passion and success if we choose to. But we must be conscious of our choosing as well as diligent and committed. Understanding of course that to change requires change.

It is tempting to do some things and not others. To believe we are really trying when truthfully we are just testing the waters. It is hard to realize that this year looks a lot like last year and to admit that our game needs to be seriously stepped up. But it is vital to start with knowing that the common denominator is always ourselves and while that may not feel so good the good news is that we have the power to change that.

If all that does not sound so great to you maybe mediocrity suits you or maybe like so many others you will tell yourself you must settle for what you can get and spend your time wishing or complaining, feeling bored or stuck in a rut.That is a choice too and frankly, that is the popular choice. However, if that is not what you want and you yearn for more. You know you are here to live fully and be your best then start by taking a hard look at what you are really doing and the choices you make everyday.

I credit a seminar several years ago with Debbie Ford as providing me an aha moment that redefined who I thought I was. It was transformational in that it permanently shifted my view of myself. I obviously am a big fan of her work and was deeply sad we lost her recently but so grateful for the impact her work has had on me and countless others.

I recently finished her book The 10 Right Questions and again was struck with new revelations and insights. It became clear that I was not making daily choices that served my best vision of myself and my business. It was apparent where and why I was falling short. What a gift this is as I can now chose to fully explore these insights and move forward differently.

I highly recommend you read the book.

But will give you some of my thoughts it inspired.

One thing that is crucial when making a choice Ford says to ask whether it will bring short term gratification or longterm satisfaction. This measure I find is often overlooked by myself and others. We are a culture built on short term quick fixes and pleasure, this was the leading cause of our economic troubles as a nation in fact. Short term is seemingly easy way to live but it has huge obvious costs, robbing us of resources for our big picture dreams and goals.

Also, investigating whether you are being true to yourself or trying to please another. Doing what others think is best or putting everyone else first may at times seem generous and caring but really it undermines the only real responsibility you have and that is to be fully you. Doing this can also be a way we hide from being and doing what we truly want having the convenient excuse that we have other obligations.

Are you acting out of fear or faith? This one highlights the fact that all our decisions according to Ford and others will be based on these motivators. Sometimes it is the  fear something may not work out, rejection or looking bad rather than having faith in yourself and that things will work out well or at least the way they should for the greater good.

Looking for what is right. In all situations and on any given day we choose to focus on what is right and positive or what is wrong and negative. For most people focusing and talking about what is wrong is a major habit and pass time. Truly we are surrounded by this thinking daily. However, it is still up to us to acknowledge and choose whether we  look for what is right or what is wrong. There is no way around it you will find what you are looking for and feed what you are focusing on. This one habit is so powerful I think because it directly impacts your interaction with others, the results you get, your mood, success and happiness.

The whole idea of personal development coaching and self help training of all types is to bring awareness so that other choices can be made that work better. Through examining our choices and our actions honestly we can determine if we are on the right path in time to make adjustments or forge a new one.

“ The unexamined life is not worth living” 

Socrates