It seems that both in my own life and from my observation and experience of others that when problems arise or something is holding us back from our best it can always be boiled down to the same factors: Our self worth and beliefs. Self worth is the basic value you put on yourself and your life. From this stems fundamental beliefs about what you are capable and deserving of.Beliefs are strongly held and mostly subconscious about ourselves and the world. These beliefs filter and color everything we see and do often without our awareness. Our worth of course is based on our beliefs so these concepts go hand in hand.
When we reach a plateau; not quite reaching our ultimate goal or find ourselves stuck in patterns of thinking and behavior that do not serve us well and we want or need to make some significant lasting changes it is these factors that we want to examine, challenge and shift.
These two factors are so complex, influential and impactful they do not lend themselves to short blog articles so I will just start with some basic ideas today on self worth and value and go deeper into beliefs next time.
Underlying everything is how you view and accept self, that colors how you view and accept the world and that determines to very large extent your level of happiness and success.
So that is the root; lets start there.
How do you value yourself? What do you believe to be true about yourself? Where did those ideas come from and how are they serving you? What are you worth and how do you judge yourself and others in this regard ? How we judge others, whether loving and accepting or rejecting and harsh may tell us much about how we feel about and judge ourselves.
To value yourself: to feel connected and equal to all those around you, accept your bright qualities as well as the stuff you are not thrilled about as all being valuable unique parts of the total complex and beautiful package of you. This is the ideal and for most of us requires work and may ultimately be the lifetime goal we all strive for.
These concepts may serve you well; if you perceive yourself to be intelligent, capable, strong, lovable and fun your actions and results will reflect that and you will also likely have good relationships with others as well.
Some of us have quite the opposite unfortunately and struggle greatly in our lives with negative self talk, feeling inferior, stupid, unlikeable and so on.
For most of us it is a combination: feeling strong or pretty good in some areas and shaky in others, in certain situations we are confident and capable others make us feel weak or inadequate. Honestly, we all have some times that push our buttons and the vulnerabilities come out.
To be your best and reach your potentials it is necessary to explore these areas and identify your strengths as well as shift the negative concepts to be more positive and supportive. This is really about getting to the underlying issues that drive us . We know that thought drives behavior so we want to tackle those fundamental thoughts. When we just try to change behavior without shifting the thought and belief that drives it it is much more difficult if not impossible to affect lasting change.
A couple years ago I went through a process of challenging my own self concepts and beliefs and redfined and reframed things for myself so that I had more self acceptance and freedom. This has been pivitol for me. In fact, it was transformational. As soon as I got it, I had it and had it for good, transforming my belief and perception permanently. Naturally there are more beliefs to challenge but now I am solid and ready! Some of the insights I gathered may be worth your consideration as you search for your own.
Understanding what makes one valuable; knowing it is intrinsic to all from birth the value and potentials of each unique being. If you believe that as I do and always have very strongly you must also apply that belief to yourself. Funny, I believed that for my whole life just not applying it to me for a long time. The verse that we are all created in Gods image always has been very meaningful to me. I accepted it since childhood for all others but forgot to fully apply it to me.
Knowing what traits/things are truly valuable: It is not facts or knowledge, looks or anything on the surface, it is not things one easily gains or loses in life, it is what one has come to life with; the unique essence of who you are your unique traits, passions, talents, quirks, strengths, potentials and vulnerabilities. This is one area our culture misses the boat on especially in recent history . All types of people misled into thinking what one does, has or looks like is what sets them apart and makes them special. I believe this one fundamental misunderstanding of worth and value causes countless misery. Leading us to value empty ideals, pursue meaningless things, feel divided and deeply dissatisfied.
Really knowing and appreciating who you are begins when you start to look at yourself differently, to stop judging yourself, to treat yourself as fairly as you would anyone else. To accept and celebrate who you are, all of you. We all come into this world with one unique gift in common; ourselves. We ought to accept it and appreciate it right? This is the key.
Explore what you believe about you, self worth, value and beliefs, I would love to hear your insights.
" In the faces of men and women I see God" Walt Whitman
I love this day ! My three kids have always done such a beautiful job of making me feel loved, appreciated and special. I have raised a son and 2 daughters all adults now that have turned out to be people that I not only love but really like, respect and admire. They are my favorite people! It is wonderful as a mom to reach that point were you know they are all good, I am very proud.