Jump in Live Fully

As we go through our lives there are multiple opportunities we encounter that we routinely avoid, saying we do not like them or are afraid. This reaction is normal, we all have our own comfort levels, fears and preferences. But in many circumstances the things we avoid can be very limiting to the life that we lead. Sometimes we are certain we do not want any part of it if not always certain why. At times we may secretly want to try something but make an excuse out of discomfort or fear.

How often do you decline to try something big or small with the knee jerk response, “I don’t like that.” Honestly, how do you know?

I think most of the time people say this they haven't even tried what they are turning down or it has been a long time since they have had or done anything like it. Responding in this way presumes displeasure without allowing for the possibility of pleasure.

How often do you say you are afraid and use that as a reason to hold back; “I am afraid of heights”, ‘I am afraid of crowds‘ ,and so on.

Why do we do that?

This is partly due to the affinity we have for familiarity and our mental programming to keep ourselves safe.  People naturally have both a desire for familiarity and for variety and adventure -- it's part of our human nature. At the same time we are programmed for survival and make choices to keep ourselves safe and comfortable.

As individuals the mixture of these components is complex. Many people are risk adverse and very narrow in the experiences they allow themselves. This can be a way to control things or even people and it can also provide security and comfort. It is not a problem unless it gets in the way of living fully and experiencing all that life has to offer.  Many others are thrill seekers and passionate about experiencing new things and pushing their own limits. They feel most alive when filled with the rush of adrenaline and surge of excitement and even fear. We all lie somewhere on this continuum.

I find myself closer to the latter. I am a complete "experience junkie" although not necessarily a thrill seeker. I search out new experiences with a vengeance. I consciously expose myself to new people, art and performance, cultures, beliefs, knowledge, and flavors. Less often I will push my limits physically like last year's 5k race or this year's zip lining in the jungles of Costa Rica with my kids. This is one of my favorite aspects of my personality and has contributed to a rich diverse life full of texture, fun and discovery.

It is an aspect that all of my three children have as well. It was a joy for me to watch them on vacation immerse themselves in new flavors, culture, music and experiences as we visited my daughter who is serving in the Peace Corps in Costa Rica. We listened to traditional music, sought out all types of foods and flavors, embraced the absolutely lovely people, and learned to make empanadas with my daughter's wonderful host Mom. We stayed in rustic places off the beaten path and hiked the gorgeous trials, swimming in waterfalls, and soaking in natural hot springs. We also pushed our fears a bit and zip lined in the rainforest, Three out of the four of us seriously swallowed our fear to do the optional daredevil Tarzan swing, and we all spent a morning learning something new -- paddle boarding on the Pacific Ocean.

It was a great trip on so many levels. Seven days of uninterrupted time with all of my adult children was a rare treasure, and in fact had never happened before. Seeing where my daughter works and lives now was a treat that laid many concerns to rest. She is well cared for, well liked and respected in her community, and thriving in her role. If you have not been to Costa Rica by all means visit. It is gorgeous and we were utterly amazed everyday by the overwhelming natural beauty but equally impressed with the kindness and hospitality of everyone we met on our travels.

Incidentally, the one that chose not to do the Tarzan swing was not me. Surprise!

I initially wanted no part of it; I am very afraid of heights, I don't even like standing on a six foot ladder at home. I do not like amusement rides, never have, even as a child. I have been known to be upset on the Dumbo ride at Disney.  Zip-lining high in the air was the biggest risk thrill-wise I have ever taken. I had battled my fears all day just to do that. So I walked down the hill, watched, and took pictures of the others more bold than I in my group including two of my kids.

It was terrifying but fun to watch the others take the plunge on the Tarzan swing; screaming, laughing but overall, joyous. At some point I realized I was not fully being the woman I think I am and want to be just standing at the bottom and watching. I was aware I had only a few moments to decide who I would be and then this daring oppoortunity would forever pass. Shocking everyone, especially myself, I walked back up the hill. My son accompanied me and wisely distracted and encouraged me. I could not even look at what lay ahead or approach the gate till the last moment. I wanted desperately to change my mind, I was sure this was a bad idea, but was also not willing to let my kids down or look like a total wimp. I asked myself what I was afraid of? I knew it was safe. I could not fall or be killed. I believe the fear was based on not wanting the rush of adrenaline, not  risking  being overwhelmed, or the loss of control. Not allowing myself to travel outside of my comfort zone to experience something dramatically new and frightening. I was protecting myself from the intense emotion and feeling I might have not knowing how I would react more than protecting my physical safety. It was a brief flash of insight. I knew this was true for myself and others.

I did not want to make the choice to be afraid to feel.

So I let them hook me in to the harness I quickly jumped off the platform swinging out high over the trees, making awful noises, and closing and opening my eyes not knowing which was worse. For a brief moment after a couple of passes I let my body relax and soak in the beauty and freedom I felt; it was an instant of awe. Then I begged like a baby to be let down. After, as my legs shook on solid ground walking on to finish the last 3 zip-lines, my life was altered by what I had done.

My children saw a new bolder aspect of me and were proud, I was proud as well and felt that while I would very likely never do that again, I was grateful I did not let my fear stand in the way of the experience.I gained insight into the nature of fear and what holds me and others back and I took another step in revealing more of who I am. I am hopeful that in the future I will do the same and jump in despite my fears, choose to live fully.

I have not always been so bold. As a young woman less secure in herself and the world I tended to play most aspects of my life safe and small for a variety of reasons. This included not wanting to look stupid or failing at something. Also, protecting my inner self and carefully sharing who I was. Not knowing or trusting my capabilities and ultimately not realizing how much wonderful stuff was lying right outside my reach if I just stretched out my hand a bit.

As I have stretched and grown I have been richly rewarded. Every experience, whether I have enjoyed it or not, has added so much to who I am, what I know, and how I see myself and the world. As I have grown older I have learned to risk and share more of myself as well fighting back fears of being overwhelmed by emotion or not knowing what to expect. The same habits of fear and avoidance that keeps us from risking physically applies to risking emotionally as well. The parallels are clear for those that are careful not to expose and share themselves fully lest they be hurt or rejected and end up disappointed, hurt or rejected as a result.

We all choose how we live in the world, and we can choose where we are on that continuum I mentioned. As tempting, safe and comfy as familiar can be, variety and exhilaration can make life truly grand.

I encourage you to think a bit longer before turning something down. Taste the flavors, feel the texture, and experience the excitement of life a bit more. Risk more of yourself, trust your instincts and live and love more fully. Become aware of when you let fear stand in your way of rich, meaningful and fun experiences. Get in the habit of asking yourself  if you are living life as the person you are and want to be. Seek out more in all  areas of yourself and your world, I promise you you will find it. Life is vast, wonderful, and waiting for you to simply stretch out your hand a bit more.

Jump in... live fully.

Pura Vida

Go Beyond Confidence

Beyond Confidence

This concept is the foundation of all meaningful happiness and success, key to peace of mind

It is just beyond our idea of what confidence is.

• How I found it


• 3 key steps to cultivate it


• Why you want it

Confidence Defined

1. A feeling of assurance, especially self assurance


2. The state or quality of being certain


3. Trust or faith in a person or thing

But how do we define it? How do you define it?

So much talk about confidence; too much, too little.  It is confusing and contradictory used as a positive and a negative at the same time. It is something we both admire and criticize in others. Misunderstood to be earned or measured through outer variables chiefly achievement and approval it is precarious and constantly shifting.

In truth the confidence we truly need is beyond that.

This confidence is a sense of self that is more stable

Rooted in your intrinsic worth and value

Based upon self acceptance and independent of the opinion of others or the achievement of things.

As a young person I struggled to find my way. I was shy. I felt inferior to others having grown up in a tumultuous abusive home I had not established a solid sense of myself I thought where I came from and what I did defined who I was and what I was worth. I limited myself and held back what I was capable of, what I expected for myself and  what I expected from others for many years as a result. This background was the inspiration for my dedication to helping others live well to enjoy themselves and their lives.

However, it was not until I was in my mid thirties that I began to move beyond that and develop the confidence to express who I was and live more authentic and powerfully in the world. This was a long time coming. It was based on self acceptance and adopting new ways of thinking about what made people including me valuable. The realization that I had always been capable to handle anything that came my way was vital. Whether I handled it well or not did not matter. There was the slow burn of new knowledge and thinking and several pivotal aha moments that lead me to the place I now reside and share with others. .

Beyond confidence, a trust or faith in oneself. A self assurance and ease about who you are. A state of certainty that you are good valuable and capable. A knowledge that no matter if outcomes are fantastic or faulty you remain the same: A ok.

This belief fuels the ability to go into any situation, meet challenges and engage people  with ease and comfort.

It is palpable and attractive to others, it engenders the trust and respect of others because they sense that you have it for yourself.

The three key steps to go beyond confidence:

R.I.P

•  Redefine worth and value and apply it for yourself. Interrogate  and shift thinking that limits you and ways that you hold back because you may be judged. Know that you are independent of outside forces and opinions, you are beyond that.

•   Inventory your strengths and skills take ownership of who you are and what you are capable of. Meet the beautiful and brilliant essence of you and get ready to play full out. Accept the multifaceted beauty of you, all the brilliance and all the darkness as all valid valuable pieces of you

•  Practice; act as if you got this and in time you will. Expect that some days will be better than others it is a self growth process. However, changes happen quickly with a few shifts in thinking and behavior. Remind yourself of the new more powerful thinking and fake it till you make it.

RIP puts the old thinking to rest to allow for the freedom and comfort that comes from living beyond confidence. Once you do this you are no longer be utterly reliant on what others think now you will be:

• Able to make decisions better, less fear of being wrong or looking bad


• Less pressured to do everything just so, perfectionism, fear of failure and success fades


• Act natural, be yourself, you will expect to be accepted and won’t take it personally if you are not or someone does not like or agree with you.


• Be more bold to take risks follow your dreams


• Be more free and intimate in your relationships more comfortable sharing yourself fully


• Have less anxiety and depression there is a general sense of being ok no matter what happens and being ok if it is not ok


• Enjoy life more; having fun doing more of what you want to do


• Be more creative as blocks are lifted and you can flow with less fear


• Make more meaningful friendships; your ease and self comfort not only attracts others in making them comfortable and at ease with you but also you will find you are less judgmental and accept and appreciate others as the principles you have applied to your self apply to everyone you will genuinely like people more.

Going beyond confidence will give you the freedom to unlock your power to be all that you are and pursue what you want fully. It takes time to develop and may in fact be the work of our lives but it is worth it; it sets the foundation for the happiness and success that we seek.