DARE to Live a Passionate Life

Passion is defined as powerful or compelling emotion regarding people or things. Typically we say someone is passionate about life when they feel and live it deeply and fully. What does this term mean to you?

Most people admire others they consider to be passionate and even if secretly would like to be more so themselves. Why is that?

Maybe it is because when it gets right down to it it is emotion that makes life meaningful and more exciting. Even negative emotions, while unpleasant stir the soul.

How does one become passionate and what stands in the way of more passion?

First, deeply feeling emotion is likely part of personality, possibly in your DNA to some degree. That may be why certain families and ethnicities carry some generalities. But it is also heavily influenced by environment, beginning with how your family modeled and displayed emotion. We are programmed to repeat behaviors that are reinforced and learn quickly to curtail ones that are met with disapproval. Many of us learn to suppress emotion or at least to dampen it, to not draw too much attention or risk rejection and harsh judgement. Culture too plays a role, some things are less acceptable to express. In the United States there are limits on sadness for instance and we are quick to think it needs to be cured even when it is an appropriate response, such as to a loss. Feeling things deeply means all things good and bad of course. As with everything, there are many factors that effect what, how deeply and how we share our feelings.

But a passionate life eludes to more than just expressing emotion. It is about jumping in deeper with more variety of experiences, enthusiasm and vigor. We may picture a bohemian artist vividly pursuing their art, dressed flamboyantly and living in a picturesque town swept up in a romantic love affair. At least I do. It does not have to be quite that dramatic of course.Think of small children, they are great at living with passion. Delving in head first, engaging their limitless imaginations, throwing caution to the wind and just having fun and when the fun stops or the pain starts wailing with complete abandon their dissatisfaction. Children do not hesitate to feel all the good and the bad and typically do not filter it, at least not right away. You were that child once...remember?

Living a passionate life simply is a life that includes activities and people you feel deeply about. Doing things that matter to you, playing all out, allowing yourself to fully experience and express how you feel and who you truly are.

Why don’t more of us live this type of life?

I think we get caught up in our daily life and habits which let’s face it become boring and routine. We grow up, get jobs and buy into thinking there is not much time left for play. 

We have important things to do, responsibilities after all, no time for nonsense. The things we may really enjoy do not always pay the bills and get pushed aside and sometimes completely forgotten. 

More importantly, we are conditioned for acceptance. When we feel deeply and express fully we risk the pain of being rejected and ridiculed. We have all felt that sting. Most of us have played all out at least once and did not feel we won that game so are not so willing to play that way again.

As an adult it takes boldness and daring to live with passion, it is a conscious choice to do so. At first it requires effort and may even be scary, but the reward far outweighs the risk. I don’t know about you but I do not want to live my life swathed in bubble wrap so as not to break or damage anything on my way to the pearly gates. I would rather participate than protect myself from life and get to the end with a  lot of great stories to tell and maybe a few battle scars. If that sounds inviting to you here are some simple steps to get you started if you dare...

D Discover what turns you on, excites you,when do you get in the zone and fully engaged? Remember best times or hobbies you loved and catalog all the things you have really enjoyed doing in your life time. You can also list the traits you most adore in others and the types of relationships and activities that suit you best. What causes stir your soul or make your blood boil? Pay more attention to how you feel and if you are sharing your feelings with others freely.

A Action begin to actually do more of these or similar activities. Start telling people what you believe and think about things that matter to you. Find others that share your ideas, join a group or effort that does something you think is meaningful. Kiss just a little deeper, embrace just a little longer, be more playful do or say something you feel but would normally keep to yourself.

R Be Relentless in your pursuit of what feels good and right to you. It may not work right away, you may have a few false starts along the way. This is all trial and error, treat your life like an experiment and you will undoubtedly have a rich and meaningful experience.

E Enjoy! Have fun allow yourself to play again sometimes and get messy. All the skinned knees of your childhood healed without too much of a trace so too will and scrapes you may endure now. Above all do not wait. The time to live with passion is now.

The Down Side of Optimism

We all think being optimistic is a wonderful thing and for the most part it is.Optimism is a top quality we seek out in employees, lovers and friends. There are literally thousands of books about the power of a positive attitude and how to cultivate more of one. In fact, I have actually written quite a few articles and given many presentations on the subject of optimism. So what could possibly be the downside of a trait so sought after?

Optimists, such as myself, are typically inclined to believe that things will work out well regardless of circumstance. This is the mainstay of thinking for cup -is- half -full folks. Overall, this thinking feels better and serves to motivate the necessary action to make the best of any situation. This is what we all want more of but it can also breed long range trouble. As a life long optimist I recognize that at times my rose colored glasses viewpoint can be rather annoying,  it is also contagious and is a quality people close to me enjoy. The real issue is how it affects judgement. Reflecting on my life I can see where my belief that everything will work out for the best has often led me astray. Recently, I was speaking to a good friend, who may even be a few degrees brighter than me and she agreed that in retrospect optimism entices us to jump in with little concern for outcome and therein lies the problem. When you are an optimist you believe everything will work out for the best so on occasion you get into things without fully investigating the drawbacks. You do not want to listen to naysayers and write off warning signs as negativity. You are so sure you can make everything work you expel loads of energy looking for and cultivating the good. You may also stick with things or people much longer than is wise searching for silver linings and satisfying yourself with the bright spots in otherwise dim situations. My friend and I discussed how this quality did not always serve us well in our marriages, choosing less than ideal mates and not heeding the red flags since we knew everything would work out for the best. This same scenario plays out in career and other choices as optimism can blend with impulsiveness and prevent us from seeing long term consequences clearly.

Of course being a pessimist is no day in the park either. Many pessimists are so overcome with the certainty something cannot possibly work that they are reticent to even try. The have a ready list of everything that can go wrong, are often overheard complaining and as a result tend to have low mood and are not typically the life of the party. Pessimism is not a sought after trait in our culture and maybe for good reason, but they do tend to weigh things carefully and see warning signs more clearly which certainly does pay off many times.

I have heard there are also realists out there but I think they are a minority.  Most self proclaimed realists I meet are just stubborn pessimists convinced this "is just the way it is” and it is not all that good. In reality life is a beautiful mix of good and bad , but it is our viewpoint that makes the difference.

Most of us fall on one side or the other most of the time, hence the question half full or half empty. Some people contend there are no mistakes and that everything happens for a reason, kind of absolves responsibility. I would argue that sometimes the reason things happen is due to the choice we made that got us there to begin with. In large part the quality of our lives is a product of our choices and these are heavily influenced by our beliefs and attitudes. So while I still believe optimism leads to more happiness, less stress and is an attractive quality for lovers, coworkers and friends it does come with a cost in regard to making long range decisions.

But of course I think this cost is worth it. It is crucial to know that while you may make the best of any situation some situations are inherently better than others. I am optimistic we can learn to recognize the downside of our habit to jump in without looking at all the facts or long range implications and be more realistic in our expectations. I also think we can become pragmatic and invest our positive energy more wisely. Creating a balanced sensible approach to life does not require we become more negative just that we look at everything more carefully and choose the best for ourselves rather than always working so hard to make everything the best.