MOTIVATION

Certainly the word motivation gets a lot of attention in my line of work. In fact most people immediately turn to the topic of motivation anytime a goal, change or challenge comes up. Finding motivation to start, as well as staying motivated to do what we want is something just about everyone struggles with. There are volumes written on this topic and I have quite a few thoughts on it as well, let's start with the keys.

Three Keys To Motivation

Motive: This is the root of the word but so often overlooked. Why do you want what you want? What benefits and outcomes do you seek? The real reasons, the deep reasons. Clue: the stated reasons are usually on the surface stuff. Dig deeper; what emotion will it strike in you when you are successful? What will it mean and how will you or your life be different and better. If you get what you are aiming for how will you feel and benefit.  By the way, this is a good time to check if the outcome and benefit will actually be provided by attaining the stated goal. Many times that is not the case and we work hard for something only to attain it and find that it did not provide what we really wanted. Furthermore, visualize your success, feel the benefits, experience it as fully as possible, imagine all the details and the emotion of how it feels. Do this often.

Alignment: There are two aspects of alignment. One relates specifically to the goal and how it aligns with you; your values and vision for your life. We can find much more energy and enthusiasm for doing things that have deep meaning to us and we believe in. Also, does it fit into the bigger picture and vision of your life? Naturally, you need to spend your time pursuing that which takes you toward you vision. As you relate your goals to your values...but wait, this presumes you are clear on your personal values. So let's back up; as you are creating your vision as we discussed in my last post and setting goals take the time to take stock of your values. What are your guiding principles and what is most important to you? If you have not  done this in awhile it is well worth the effort. Our values are what drives and motivates all our behavior and decisions, become crystal clear and honor them. I use a simple assesment with clients if you email me a request I would be happy to send you an email back with a free assessment to help you become clear. This is vital. If your goals work well within your values and you can connect them to your strong beliefs you are naturally going to be more motivated. Watch out if they are not, or go against your values, this is a huge red flag.

The other aspect of alignment is you . Are you in alignment emotionally and mentally with what you say you want? Some inner exploration is needed here. Do you  truly want what you say? And more importantly, do you believe you deserve it and are worthy and capable of what you seek? Are you single minded or divided? Of mixed emotion regarding attaining the goal or making the change? If you are,  you will not be motivated to start or be able to maintain it long. In this case, it may be limiting beliefs, low self esteem, a lack of clarity, an attachment or fear. These things tend not to take care of themselves, tackle it . If you are wrestling with this type of issue know that dealing with it is far easier than trying to continue to live with it.

Commitment: Let's face it, even the best of us are not at our best everyday. We must commit to do it. Fake it till you make it when necessary. I believe it is even more crucial to be prepared to recommit. There will be lost battles, this does not mean you lose the war. Plan to recommit to your goal however often is needed. For some situations that may be hourly or even moment to moment like with an addiction; cigarettes for instance. Or, on the occassions you succumb to a slack off day at the gym or office. Be resolute, unwavering and determined and you are bound to be successful. Keep in mind; most valuable and meaningful things we  achieve are done so over time and as a result of some effort, failing and struggle. It is the hardest fought victories that are always the sweetest so if you have a goal you can believe in and commit to,  be prepared to recommit as well.

Next up: set the goals. Yes, the process of specific goal setting comes after this work. No point setting goals if you are not first clear on your vision, values and where your true motivation lies.

In fact, by now you should be really motivated to write some goals!

 

 

Know You

Socrates said it best," know thyself". This is truly the first element in living a fulfilling, deeply satisfying and happy life. It is the basis of all else. As I have been blogging and speaking lately on the topic of making 2012  your best year ever this concept has been the first thing we address. Often this is concept is taken for granted, but the truth is many people struggle with answering basic crucial questions. This may be due to the fact that most of us were not encouraged to creatively think this way and individuality is not often encouraged. As young people we are torn between becoming authentically ourselves and a longing and pressure to fit in. Somehow as we grow older we can become conditioned to believe we must fit in to a model or type to succeed or even be loved. For some, concealing who they really are becomes a full time job, convinced another role or personality will serve them better. This leads to all sorts of trouble and frustration. But for many of us it is more subtle; not being clear on what we most want for ourselves and our lives, knowing and living our values, connecting to and pursuing our passions. I believe the purpose of life is to fully become who we are, to authentically share that with the world using our strengths and talents to pursue what is most important to us.  I believe that is what will bring us deep satisfaction, lasting happiness and meaning. That is the foundation of LifeScape and my basis of coaching.

So how do we begin to reconnect to our authentic selves?  From my last post and workshop I suggest writing a list with 3 headings BE, DO, HAVE  creatively listing what you can dream for yourself in each catagory. Take time with this and keep in mind who you truly want to be, how you most want to live, the types of work, relationships and activities as well as material items you want to enjoy or benchmarks you want to reach.

Another exercise is to reflect; what has brought you the most joy thus far in your life? Think of times you were at your best and list the activities and qualities you were expressing. Remember your biggest victories personal and professional. Reconnect to hobbies and activities you may have put aside and recall why you enjoyed them. Looking back and identifying common themes and paying attention to why it felt good or why we were successful clues us in to where our talents, strengths and passions are and makes it clear what we need more of in our lives.

This combination of looking forward and reflecting back will create a picture of what is most important to you and will allow you to begin to formulate a vision of what is next for you to create your best life.

Once you have a vision that is you, you will know it. It will be exciting, it will make you smile, it will fit,  even if it scares you a bit. With this knowledge you then have the choice to live boldly, fully and authentically; or not. The rewards are great, the costs not too high. In fact the costs not to are staggering. Honestly, it is far easier than you might think, but you must choose it.

Become more of who you are... we all want and need more of you.

What would you like to be, do or have more of in your life?

 

Best Year Ever 2012

Here are the major ideas from the workshop I did January 18. Many people requested additional notes. If you find these ideas helpful you will be interested in the best year monthly groups that are forming now. Groups of 4 to 6 will work independently on topics that explore what you most want to be, do and have assisting you to develop goals, take action and overcome hurdles to create your best year and ultimately your best life. Meetings will be via teleconference monthly 7:30 pm on the 3rd Thursday. Get in on this powerful and affordable way to make this a great year of growth, discovery and accomplishment.  More info on the events page. Call to register this week and receive a free private coaching session in addition to 10 months of group!

Your Best Year 2012

Know what you want: Explore deeply who you really are and who you want to be as well as what you most want to do,  experience and have in your life.

Many of us have not been taught to ask ourselves these crucial questions. Sometimes we mistakenly believe thinking this way is selfish. It is in fact quite the opposite. Selfishness is about imposing your will on others, demanding things and people be the way you want. Ensuring you are clear and true about who you are is why you are here: to fully become who you are and share that with the world. To accomplish that you must have the answers to these questions.

Simply write the headings:  Be* Do *Have and start a list under each. If you have not spent much time  in the past thinking this way give yourself some time, maybe several days to consider and revise your list until it becomes a reflection that feels authentic and complete to you.

Assess where you are currently. Look at the different aspects of your life; career, health and fitness, finances, relationships both social and intimate, family, fun and recreation and rate how satisfied you are on a scale of 1-10. This will highlight areas that may need some attention.

Begin with the end in mind: From the vantage point of New Years Eve 2012 describe in great detail what has happened that has made this year the best ever. Remember, this is highly personal so it is what you experienced or accomplished that matters. What made the most impact? Brought the most satisfaction and joy? This is creating your vision and is vital, it is the destination all your goals will be driving you toward. Know where you are going, then you can create the map to get there.

Select and Set Goals: So much can be said about setting and achieving goals, here are some highlights:

Make it your Goal. Own it. Something you want, not an I should or what some else thinks you ought to do." Weak desire brings weak results,"  said Napolean Hill. Have strong desire.

Reasonable: Not too big to be overwhelming or to small to be meaningless . Challenge yourself but make it attainable. the sweetest victories and best sense of accomplishment come from really stretching ourselves.

Specific. State exactly, precisely what you will do.

Time and Measure. How much, how soon ect. So you can track progress and plan well.

Written. Written goals are more solid and real and studies show people that write goals are far more successful in attaining them than those who do not .Look at them regulary and review, this helps focus as well.

Motivation. Go to the root of the word; for starters, what is your motive? Why do you want what you want? What are the benefits and how will you feel in achieving them? Connect with the benefits and emotion to get you and keep you moving.

Accountability: Use a partner or group to share you goal and check in with. You are less likely to duck out when others are counting on you and tracking your progress.

Be committed and recommit as often as necessary. There is no try as the Yodi said, only do or do not do. Get rid of try in your language and thinking. Recognize going in of course that everyday is not a 10 and none of us are perfect . Somedays you will slip, somedays miss the mark completely, this does not mean you cannot or will not reach your goal. Use these times as an excuse to recommit rather than an excuse to give up as so many do.

Believe: Believe in the possibilities and dreams you have for yourself and your ability to achieve them. Rarely, if ever does an individual exceed his own expectation. Believe: see yourself successful in your endeavor and that you deserve and are worthy to be so. If this is a struggle for you identify and address it now. Your subconcious and concious vision of yourself must be in alignment with your vision and goals if it is not it will cause all types of hurdles. Many people struggle again and again with thinking and or behavior that limits them or holds them back. We can be our own worst enemy or best friend, you decide. If this is an issue handling this element alone can make this your best year ever.

Once you have worked though the steps of assessment, discovery and vision set some goals following the guidelines above. Two or three is really all you need, pick ones that will have the impact to make you feel this was the best year ever and take you where your vision leads. Look for impact, passion, emotion and energy in them. You will know they are right if they excite you even if they scare you a little too. Goals are only the beginning though you must make an action plan and implement it . Take action. Did I mention you must take action? Figure out what your first step is and get started today.

"Whatever you can do or dream you can do; begin it. Boldness has genuis, power and magic in it. Begin it now." Goethe

Be bold, be fully you and pursue what you most want in 2012!

 

 What would make 2012 your best year ever? Please post below.

 

Giving Does Not Diminish But Adds

For the last several months I have had some demanding times. Family members with chronic illness and crisis to attend to. I unexpectedly have been in a position to help and be a caregiver, listen and try to manage and support as well as provide housing. Of course, this was in addition to other commitments and obligations as well as the fast paced holiday season.

During this time I had many moments of frustration, of feeling drained and even a bit overwhelmed. I have many things I want to attend to and accomplish and have limited resources. I knew all along this time was purposeful though and even in those hard moments looked for the message and lesson in this experience for me. My coach helped tremendously listening and supporting accepting and validating my feelings helping me try to find balance. Certainly there was a lesson in boundaries and balance we recognized and worked on.

Then, in a quiet unexpected moment it came to me: None of this diminished me. In fact all of it added to me.

Sometimes we think and deeply feel we have no more to give but in actuality if we change our perspective on giving we do. The truth is no matter how much I give of myself it does not diminish me but adds to me. Every experience and opportunity adds more to my character, more to my knowledge and understanding more to my heart and experience. As soon as I thought this I knew it was true and I no longer felt depleted but that I had been made stronger, smarter and better for being able to give.

I realized anything I shared or provided was no more than what I earned in insight, understanding and a fresh perspective.I so needed all of this experience to move to where I am now and do what I will do next for me.

As always, it is never the thing but how we think about it.

Pay attention to how what you give and share adds to you rather than focusing on your perception of what it takes from you and  see what a difference changing your perspective can make.

"Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change" Wayne Dyer

 

Resolution Success 2012

So, you can imagine as a coach I love New Year; reflection, vision, goals, planning, it is an exciting time!

It certainly makes sense to use the mark of a passing year to reflect and the crisp start of the new year to plan what we most want next. In fact it is one of the oldest traditions dating back to Ancient Rome 4000 years ago. Marked by Janus the God of new beginnings with the ability to look both forward and back simultaneously and January's namesake.

Many people make great use of this time and set goals and make meaningful resolutions for the coming year. It seems we often discount resolutions commonly assuming most people do not stick with them and that is true; most don't . But what is also true is that people more successfully create meaningful change starting with a new years resolution than at a non-new year time. Studies show by June 46% of the resolute are still ontrack and that 19% are successful at the two year post resolution anniversary. Resoutions work if made properly and taken seriously. Let's face it; all positive change can work under the right parameters with the right amount of effort of course.

Tips For Successful Resolutions in 2012

Know What You Want: This is always the most crucial part. Know clearly and specifically what you want and the outcome of that change. How will it impact your life? How will you feel once the change is made? Is it truly what you want rather than what someone else or society thinks you should want? These questions need honest answers so you may be clear if the stated goal is what you are really after. This also will provide the motive of why you want the change hence the motivation to get things done.

Be Realistic and Specific: Set resolutions and goals that are reasonable and attainable. If you have never run before the Boston Marathon this year is not likely a reasonable goal. However, committing to training three times a week and signing up for a 5k followed by a 10k may be realistic. Also, how exactly will you accomplish the goal? The more details the better as you make your plan of attack. Will you join a gym or running club, hire a trainer? How many and which days will you work toward your goal? How will you make room for that in your current schedule? This of course corresponds to any goal; plan the exact  details of how you will achieve a reasonably achievable goal. Most goals fail due to a failure to plan.

Write it Down and Say it Loud: Harvard researchers have proven that those who write out their goals are far more successful in achieving them than people who do not. Writing down goals adds a dimension of reality to them as well as a record to reference and reflect upon daily or weekly. Stating your resolution in public and sharing it also increases your chances of success. Not only does it make it more real, you gain some sense of accountability from those who know your plans. Accountability is very powerful, most people benefit greatly checking in with others and having someone to help keep them "honest "and offer support. This is so evident with the monumental success of AA or weight watchers programs for instance , it is also a component of coaching that is very helpful to many clients. Share your plans and illicit support.

Believe It to See It: We will rarely if ever achieve anything that we do not believe is possible for us. It is imperative that you have confidence in your ability to do what you set out to do. You must believe you are capable and be able to hold a vision of yourself accomplishing that goal. The vision we have of ourselves will always dictate what we can and cannot achieve. For many of us working on this inner vision of self is the first step to really moving ahead. Are there ideas that hold you back? Do you limit yourself unfairly or tend to engage in negative thinking or self criticism? These behaviors commonly hold even the most together people back in some way. If they are present identify and address them now.

Be Resolute: Purposeful, unwavering and determined. Make a commitment to your resolution to do it; not try: do. Keep in mind that the first 30 days will typically be the hardest. It takes time, at least 30 days to develop new habits and behavior patterns remind yourself that as Goethe said " everything is hard before it is easy". This is when it is vital to commit to your goal but more importantly to recommit hourly if necessary to it and stick with the plan. If you do slip, which is perfectly normal, do not allow yourself to use a slip for an excuse to quit. One cookie does not ruin a healthy eating plan and one day that you miss the gym is no reason not to return. Be committed and prepared to recommit as often as necessary to achieve your goals and you will. One of the most important qualities for achievement of any type is the ability to work diligently, patiently and persistently toward what you want and you will get there before you know it.

Best wishes for a new year of creating a life you love in 2012!