Follow Your Dreams and Passions

As you probably have realized by now, I am a huge proponent of pursuing your dreams and passions with all you've got. I believe we all have strong desires to do fun, meaningful and important things. I believe that the nagging ones we have that really stir us are not to be ignored.  That you have that strong nagging desire for a reason and it is best you answer the call. Trust me, it is within you to do so even if it seems a stretch, that is why you have the call. I also know that when we  do pursue the desires and  ideas we are most passionate about and work to achieve our most meaningful goals we are the happiest and most fulfilled. On the contrary when we do not we can become resentful,  bored and deeply dissatisfied.

This is a belief I have always had and cherished. As a result  I have always admired people that live their lives this way.

My daughter Jessica is one of the people I admire for this very reason. She is currently preparing to leave for her Peace Corps service in Costa Rica on July 8. Jessica has had a call to serve others for many years and has logged many hours volunteering locally in a variety of programs from crisis intervention to teaching ESL.

Our family has always valued service and volunteering as well as an interest in people and other cultures. I clearly recall the article she read on the horrific ordeal of rape victims in Darfur when she was about 15 years old and her telling me she wanted to go there to do something to help. Since then she has not wavered in her commitment to serve in a 3rd world country. It has been a long process to get accepted to serve in The U.S. Peace Corps after graduating college but we are now counting down the days as she prepares to depart for the next 27 months as a volunteer working with youth services in  rural Costa Rica.

My three children all share my passion for following dreams and achieving goals and I admire them all for it. We are a close family and spend a lot of time together. Jessica will be greatly missed but at the same time we share her excitment and look forward to the life changing experience she will have and the connection and impact she will make there.

All of us have dreams, passions and desires. Sometimes life gets in the way and we can lose track of them even forgetting them at times. But if we listen carefully they remain. They can be the source of restlessness or discontent a nagging feeling something is missing or a loud siren alerting us it is time to take action.

I believe that those of us bold enough to  follow these calls are richly rewarded and all of us are better for it as well.

"There is nothing capricious in nature and the implanting of a desire indicates that its gratification is in the constitution of the creature that feel it" Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau

Mother's Are Always Role Models

I have in recent years come to realize how much influence my mother has had on my life.

For a long time I minimized her impact preferring to think because I am so different from her that I was not very influenced by her at all.

The truth is that many of my strongest characteristics, my lifestyle and even my career can be connected  to lessons and conclusions drawn from her.

I should say that my Mother and I are not close, she is reserved, negative and has never been the affectionate or motherly type. She is a home body and loner.

I am passionate, optimistic, affectionate and expressive.

I have a strong maternal instinct and am dedicated, loving, affectionate to my children. Some say I do too much but  I have given all I have to my kids; my heart, soul, money and time. I took my job very seriously, still do.

I am independent, confident and social enjoying all of life.

In these ways and others we are very different women; values, ideals, styles. Her influence is apparent in my choice to be so different.

Recognizing her impact on me as well as the impact I have had on my own children has been both humbling and profound. Being a Mother is an enormous undertaking and responsibility. Mothers have more impact on their children in most cases, than any other being in their lives.That impact can be a powerful, positive force forming a solid foundation for their lives or a negative weight that may hinder them for years to come. Most often it is a mixture of both and maybe as Moms all we can strive for is to offer an experience that is more positive and solid than negative and weighty.

There is no denying however that we are role models; whether modeling the traits and behaviors to avoid or ideally showing through shining example how to be a well balanced, healthy, happy and successful human being.

Somehow I instinctively knew that when raising my kids. I recall being very aware of the responsibility and enormity of the task.

Certainly, I  model  behaviors and traits that are not the best, but overall I see in my grown children many positive ideals, values, habits and behaviors that I share or influenced. I have been fortunate that they are all smart enough to have adopted the good and improved on most of  the others.

So many times when our children are growing up we think they are not listening, but one day you will overhear them giving some of your advice or passionately defending a value you hold dear.

Keep in mind they are watching too. They see who we really are. They know if we walk the talk and live our ideals. They learn values from our behaviors more than  just what we say.

Children adopt their sense of themselves from their mothers, their view of others and the world as well as hundreds of other attitudes and beliefs. This does not lessen the impact and importance of Fathers or other influences but most of the time the Mother has a primary and unique role. If you really take it on it is a massive job to be a Mom. It is both exhausting and greatly rewarding but there is no greater impact you can make on the world than to give to it wonderful human beings.

Mothers are always role models.

Are you being the role model you want your children to have?

Happy Mothers Day!

 

What If ...Why Not

Such an interesting and common thing how so many of us talk about what we want to do:  eat right, make it to the gym, travel, go back to school even little "more " stuff like be more kind, get more rest, read more, have more fun.

What if you really did the things you say you want to do?

Just imagine for a moment...what would your life be like?

Honestly, we are pretty good at listing the reasons or excuses that we do not do the things we say we most want.

But, what if we did?

How might life be if you gave it your all?

If you committed to the large and small goals you have in your mind?

If you really showed up authentically in your life and relationships and gave your best effort to pursue that which has meaning and value to you?

I wonder...

You may think this idea is nuts, sounds like a lot of hard work and you may already be thinking of all your reasons and excuses this would not work for you.

What if you could turn all those reasons and excuses into inspiration?

Many great people have... I think it is your turn.

There is nothing so hard as living a life thinking of what might have been.

Live all out!

More Than Rose Colored Glasses

So everyone knows I am an optimist. I also happen to know that my optimism is irritating to people sometimes. I understand that of course since people often want to hang out in the negativity for awhile and wallow or complain a bit and that is okay as long as it is just a while I guess.

What many people may not know is that I was not just born this way I have cultivated my optimism over the years intentionally. As a young person coming from a highly dysfunctional, neglectful and violent home I was not bred on seeds of positivity and self- esteem. But what I did walk away with was a strong sense and desire that there was something different, better and more out there as well as a quiet knowing that it was up to me to find it.

These beginnings are what led me to search for answers and cultivate hope and optimism for a better and brighter future filled with good times and good people. I have not been disappointed. Sure, things do not go as planned; I have had excruciatingly painful moments and multitudes of struggles but the belief that more good is coming has not failed me and has kept me moving forward especially when things seemed bleak.

Hope... It is powerful and really is what optimism is all about.

Rather than look to the difficulties,traumas and trails in life as evidence of it's futility and begin to to build a case for pessimism, see these as the reason to maintain and pursue a brighter attitude to prevail knowing that better days lie ahead as long as you choose to create them.

Winston Churchill said "If you are going through Hell, keep going"

Bad times serve us well to grow, point us in new directions and to motivate us to be, do and have more. Certainly, they are never times to hang out and stay stuck in.

Optimism has many benefits a few are:

It spurs us forward with new ideas and fuels our fire to take risks and be bold.

It is proven to increase health including better immunity and less heart disease.

It lessens depression, stress and anxiety.

It certainly is an attractive trait.

High achievers in all professions score well on optimism assessments, it breeds success.

It is more than just rose colored glasses. Optimism is about a hope that things can and will be positive. That you are capable to not only survive but thrive and do well. That no matter the challenge there is an upside and good outcome to follow. It is a choice of perspectives that encourages room to grow, expand and continue to pursue our dreams and ideals. It allows us to be happy and enjoy life more fully.

Choose to cultivate more optimism, the world will be brighter, people will be nicer and you will be more happy and successful as a result.

 

Changes Ahead

Sometimes what we need is a change of scenery, a fresh approach or a new perspective. Other times things in our life changes occur that we did not want or expect.

I have by nature always embraced change rather well. I really like variety and seek out new ideas and experiences. Of course there have been times that I have hesitated and worried, even held back and missed an opportunity that may have benefited me, but overall I believe change is good, intriguing and leads to growth.

I recognize not everyone shares this charecteristic. In fact, change presents many hurdles for people and in some cases ignites serious anxiety and fear.  Many people will go to great lengths to avoid change even if the status quo is very unpleasant.

It seems our approach to change is intricately linked to our general outlook on life; as an optimist or a pessimist.

People that are more optimistic, I am irritatingly so, tend to believe that change will be good, presents opportunity and that they will do well. Pessimists typically believe that change is going to cause a problem, will be difficult and upsetting. Most of us are a mix of both of course so our reactions are often mixed as well.

What we many times do not realize is that our orientation as either pessimistic or optimistic is not set in stone and that we can choose to shift our outlooks to serve us better. That's a whole other topic though.

Occasionally, we all want change it is part of our personality to seek new experiences and discover new things to one extent or another. I think that we are creatures of habit but at the same time seekers of change, this can cause a rub.

But when it gets right down to it we get stuck in ruts, bored and restless and sometimes a bit of change is just what we need to feel invigorated and energized. These changes are more palatable; a vacation, new restaurant, redecorating, taking a class or trying a new hobby. Doing these things on a regular basis keeps us engaged, sharp and happy. It also makes us more equipped and adaptable to the changes we face that are not our choice. Loss of a job, the ending of a relationship or our children moving away are times we seemingly have no choice but in truth we do we have the choice how we will respond.

Being adaptable, optimistic and flexible by embracing small positive changes in life goes a long way to support us to use those skills to best navigate the other changes that invariable come our way but still hold the promise of growth and goodness if we chose to respond well.

By the way stay tuned for some changes ahead, in the next week or so you will see a newly designed site. Please send me some feedback on what you do or do not like.

 

 

 

Janus and Resolutions That Work

So it is that time of year again. Time to reflect on the past years trials and triumphs and look ahead creating the vision of what you want in the New Year. While there are some that are disenchanted and do not partake in this process I think for those that do it is a sign of health, optimism and success. In fact, January is the ideal time for this having been named for Janus the Roman God that has two faces; one looking forward the other back ruling over transitions and new beginnings.

As you think about the resolutions you will make, take a moment first to reflect on the past year. This enables you to clearly see areas that need growth as well as recognize the triumphs and strengths that you can build upon in the New Year. It is easy to forget all that has happened in a year, it may help to look over your planner or journal and recall month by month what defined the good moments, what was accomplished, what you learned, where you struggled or suffered.

It is out of this exercise that you will gain insight into what you want next. Which elements do you want to expand and develop? Which do you need to let go of? How can you utilize the lessons from 2012 and other past experience to support you moving forward? Take the time to acknowledge any large or small gains and feel good about what you where able to do, be and have in 2012.  This practice is the foundation of  confidently and successfully moving ahead to more growth and gains in the future.

Finally, keep in mind not all good things start out positive and most are rarely easy. Do not overlook what you have worked through, suffered or struggled with. Even in moments that may have seemed bleak you have prevailed and used strengths and skills to be proud of. If last year presented pain and tough transition look ahead to 2013 as a year to find the blessings in the burdens and the opportunity for growth and renewal these times always present.

As you define the goals and resolutions for the New Year follow some simple guidelines to ensure your success outlined below. Remember, resolution comes from the word resolute: To be purposeful, determined and unwavering. Decide what it is you most want, set your resolutions and then be resolute in pursuing them.

Keys to resolutions that work:

• Choose goals that are meaningful to you, that you truly want. No should do's or filling others expectations


• Write out your goals, place them where you can see them and review them frequently.


• Set the objective larger goal then define the baby steps and supportive habits you will implement to get there: Plan in detail.


• Understand why you want what you want. What will it do for you? What will it feel like to attain? These are the feelings you are truly after and will provide you with the motivation you need to stay on track.


• Enlist the help of a partner, friend or coach; this provides support, encouragement and accountability.


• Do not fall into the trap of giving up after a setback, that is an excuse to quit for the less committed.


• To be successful one must understand that it is in recommitting, as often as necessary that we ultimately triumph.

I wish you a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year as you create a life you love!

 

Rights Responsibility and Freedom

I have grown weary this past week in the wake of the horror of Sandy Hook of the continued assertions of gun rights. Firstly, you will not find a person more a champion of personal rights and freedom than I. I have always maintained in fact, that it is not guns that kill people but people that kill people. This remains true. However, we cannot deny that we have a tragic trend in our

current culture of mass random shootings, this requires a serious and effective response. We must also remember that the right to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness preceded the right to bear arms and remains tantamount, any right that interferes with that basic fundamental one must be reevaluated.

It is true that criminals will always have guns, they typically acquire them illegally and always will. It is important to note that nearly all of the weapons used in recent years for mass shootings have been legally obtained.

Furthermore, most agree that in the past few decades we have seen a widespread increase in rudeness and bad behavior. A decrease in patience, courtesy and tolerance. A significant lack of respect for parents, authority and meaningful values.

We like to talk a lot about our rights in this country but we seem to forget that with rights come responsibility: Responsibility balances and enables rights. To enjoy our rights and freedoms we must act responsibly and address the underlying issues that lead to a culture that has developed such a disturbing trend. That being said we have some serious questions to answer and major adjustments to make.

• Are we raising our children to be compassionate and kind with strong coping skills, tolerance and respect for others property and life?


• Are we treating people with mental illness properly and providing resources, facilities and support for them and the families caring for them.


• Are we doing all we can in the legal sale of weapons to ensure that only responsible, stable people obtain them and hold those people accountable for the safe and secure use and storage of those weapons?


• After the removal of religious teaching in schools have we replaced that with other ethical and moral instruction?


• Are we mindful of what our young people are exposed to? Most witness both real and dramatic video violence numbering in the thousands before they graduate high school. How long will we continue to deny this has an impact on their developing impressionable minds?


• Are we modeling kindness, tolerance and patience and treating others, even strangers with respect and dignity?

If we are honest we fall far short.

Parent or not we all bear responsibility for the climate of our culture and can all effect positive change starting with our own behavior. For all of us to enjoy the fundamental right of life liberty and the pursuit of happiness we must become responsible when we do we can all fully enjoy all the other rights this country provides.

There is no way to make sense of the murder and carnage at Sandy Hook. It has robbed those families of their most precious thing their children and loved ones. But it also robbed the survivors of innocence and the belief we all need that the the world is a good and safe place.

I pray that out of this we will finally wake up and use this horrendous act as an impetus to make the changes we have needed for years.

The solutions to all violence and crime in our society as well as the other issues of social decay are multifaceted and complex but begin with simple individual steps we can each take.

How can you be part of the solution?