Getting There Can Be Complicated

 One of the main things that attracted me to life coaching was the forward moving focus. We are always focused on " going somewhere," whether in a physical or emotional sense, it is growth and accomplishment of some sort. In the simplest of terms when I work with clients we look at where they are, where they want to be and create a plan to get there. This really appealed to me because I am a very proactive, take charge kind of person by nature. I have always been inclined to make a change rather than just complain and have always encouraged those around me to do the same. What I have found through coaching the last few years though is that "getting there" is usually  more complicated than it seems, this is largely due to the fact that we are more complicated than we seem.
The answer of where it is we want to go is not always clear and the reasons we want to head in that direction in the first place can be easily misunderstood. Furthermore, the way we think we can get to where we want to be is often ineffective. Each piece of the process to get us where we want to be is multifaceted and requires some thorough exploration and careful thought. But most of the time we just head out in some direction that seems to strike our fancy only to find out it leads to nowhere or at least nowhere we really want to be. This results in dissatisfaction and frustration. For some of us after a few misguided road trips we chose to just stay put and not venture outside of our comfort zones again. This is the second thing that attracted me to coaching; I see no reason to stay where you really do not want to be and find it tragic when people do. Life is good. There is so much richness and opportunity, I believe we can get to some pretty fantastic places if we are clear on where we are going, why we are going there and take the time to create a strategy that works.

When we talk about getting somewhere in our lives it is a lot like a road trip or great adventure. Like any trip it has certain components to consider before we set out. I believe there are three major components: Destinations, Vehicles and Maps. Each of these components requires careful thought and planning if we want to end up fulfilled, successful and happy.

Destinations: These are what you may call goals. Where do you want to go? It stands to reason you need to know this piece before you set out and the more clear you are about where you want to end up the better. One thing we often overlook is why we want to go there in the first place. The why is actually the biggest factor. If you do not know why you want what you want you can not possibly know if it will be found at the destination you seek. Certainly we have all earnestly pursued a destination only to find when we get there that we do not feel like we thought we would when we finally made it. This is usually because we think that vehicles are actually destinations. Jobs, money relationships, education and so on are merely vehicles, ways to get to the emotion, expression and connection we truly crave. It is good to remember that ultimately we want to feel something not just do something. So, when you say you want a certain job or to reach an educational goal dig into clarifying what achieving that will actually provide, how will it feel, what will it mean to you? The answer to that is the real destination.

Vehicles: These are the things we use to get us where we want to be. Just like when we travel, there are many methods to use.  Some are faster, slower, more or less reliable and we are in control of the choice of vehicle and how we use  it. Relationships for instance are a vehicle to receive and express love and to feel connected to others a very needed human destination. The types of relationships you have are the vehicles to get you to a place you are able to experience those things. A career ideally is a vehicle for you to express and share your talents and values to feel fulfillment and a sense of contribution also a needed human destination. Vehicles take us where we want to go so we need to chose vehicles that are capable to get us there.

Maps: This is the route we chose to take. Without planning and some forethought we can run into a whole lot of trouble and very often do. This is the part of our trip when we define step by step plans, use critical thinking to navigate which way to go and moment to moment are called upon to chose to stay on the path or take a detour. Our map is our structure and planning, our guide that helps us chose which way to go to achieve what we want. We set goals and make step by step plans that we hope will lead us to where we want to go. Sometimes things come up along our route and we may go off course and decide to make a new map altogether.

I think it is critical to understand the difference in these components. Particularly the difference between destinations and vehicles. Maps can always be adjusted and no matter how many times we get off track we can find our way back to the course or make a new one entirely. This is the third reason I was drawn to life coaching; we always have the ability to be who we really are and live how we want to live. In my own life I have experienced many detours and in truth many years of traveling without a map at all. It took me a long time to figure out a better way to navigate my course and to embrace the excitement of changing directions. I think once we find out what we are really after the way in which we get there matters less. The vehicles we use to take us there are put into perspective and we can become more comfortable with the long and winding road that becomes our lives and enjoy the ride.