I was inspired to write this after attending a women’s luncheon yesterday that featured Aurora Police Chief Kristen Ziman as one of several great female speakers. She spoke briefly about mentors and tormentors and made the comment that "if you can turn criticism into fuel you will never run out of energy”. I thought this was very insightful and inspirational.
We all cherish the people that support us, if we are lucky enough to have a few. But we do not see much value in those that criticise us. They are the downers and killers of our dreams. We understandably don’t like them much and may try to avoid them. But when we chose to react to the feedback they give us well they can play a vital role in helping us achieve our goals.
Too often we are shot down by the opinion of others. Sometimes we do not even get started in a direction because we presume that others will judge our efforts poorly before they even do. We can believe what others say about us and allow them to limit how we view ourselves and our capabilities. For some, it is easier to believe the negative things others say about us more than the positive. We all know that the barb of criticism can sting longer than the glow of compliment shines. We do not want to look foolish, seem stupid or to fail, so we hold back. We all fall prey to this at times, we all suffer self doubt and seek approval to some extent.
But for those that want to achieve our hearts desire, those that dare to dream an uncommon dream, create something exceptional or break through a barrier we must find a way as Kristen says to turn criticism into fuel.
My first professional job at the age of 18 was car salesman, you will notice the suffix, man. Back in the early 1980’s in my area there simply was no saleswomen or even the term salespeople at all. In fact, I landed this job while car shopping. After visiting many dealers I finally asked one why there were no women selling cars. He replied that none had ever applied, so I did and got the job. I really had no burning desire for that job but I learned a great deal and moved quickly into finance where I was the again the only woman and the youngest in that type of role. There were many challenges and complexities to this very male dominated field that honestly I was not well equipped for at that young age. But this was one of many times in my life that seeing a challenge or being presented with something I was not expected to do inspired me to do it anyway, and I am glad I did.
I think it is crucial to have supportive people in your life. I am a professional coach and focus my practice on providing positive support and encouragement. I help people overcome limits and break free of the fear of what others may think to follow their own path and reach the goals they most believe in. I advise my cliens to minimize negative people and to increase their exposure to folks that support them. Maybe I need to add more ideas on listening to these critics and looking for ways to be inspired to prove them wrong.
Some of us are more motivated by pain than pleasure. To avoid something bad rather than create something good may get us moving. For some, being told what they cannot do may be more fuel than hearing how wonderful their idea is and how sucessful they will certainly be. I suspect most of us are fueled by some of both in different circumstances but knowing what will energize and inspire you is key to reaching your goals.
Take a moment to reflect on who has played the roles of mentor or tormentor in your life, which ones have supplied the most fuel?
How can you find ways to create more fuel in your life through positive support and/or adversity and tough challenge?
Julia Skeesick, CPC LifeScape Strategies www.lifescapestrategies.com 630.664.9740
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